The Observers: Aftermath
by GreatFarki
Summary: Chapter 7 is up!
1. Chapter 1

This is actually the first story in my Observers serires, thought it's so far the second i've written. I'm also trying a new perspective, first person as Magus, and I hope it comes out well. Enjoy and leave reviews if you wish to, they are always appreciated :)

Chapter 1: Meetings

_Lucca once told me that killing Lavos wouldn't bring back Schala. I never expected it would, that sentiment is for the weak-minded and self-delusional. I wanted to kill Lavos because I hated it; I abhorred and detested it with all the might and will available to me. When that was not enough I decided to make the hate stronger, to fuel myself with the hatred I felt for it, until there would be a time when my hatred, my strength, was great enough to defeat it. For this I raised an army, slaughtered thousands, and enslaved an equal or greater amount; for this I became Magus. My hate would sustain, would grow, until Lavos was no more._

_When it was all said and done, when the fatal blow was dealt to the disgusting creature that lurked behind the menacing façade of spikes and enormity, my hatred was still there. Having been my only motivation, my only point of living, for years beyond recollection, my hatred still burned brightly within me. I still hated Lavos, still felt the need to store my strength so that my hate might eclipse the strength it once possessed, even though I saw with my own two eyes the last ebbs of life leave the mutated and distorted form. You can only hate the dead for so long though._

_I thought that in time the hate might pass, that it would fade into the background where all my emotions have fled and I would be beyond its' grasp. As I looked upon the youthful faces of those who had traveled with me this far, not convinced enough to call them friends, I saw that each still had a reason to continue on. Frog still clung to his knighthood, Crono lived for his friends, Marle would eventually inhabit the crown, Lucca lived to make machines for the betterment of those around her, Ayla …I think she lived to simply eat, and Robo lived to serve his creators. I looked at their reasons and, staring at the flickering blue warp gate in front of me, found that I had nothing left to continue for._

_My empire, though vast it had been, was nothing I wanted involvement with, Zeal was beneath the Ocean, Lavos was dead, and the Black Omen was stricken from the annals of time. What then was my purpose to continue breathing? Was it simply to continue hating, to burn the bright flame of hatred until at long last it consumed me as it had so many others? I saw no hope for the future. Crono had once told me that in the alternate timeline, I had died that night in my castle when I summoned Lavos. I was lucky to be alive, was what he said through veiled words, but I saw it to mean I was supposed to be dead. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, I was as dead as the dead civilization that spawned me._

_Then Lucca, always one trying to pry into my affairs, asked if I was going to go look for her, for Schala. I had remained silent at that time because I didn't know that answer myself. What point was there in looking for something that wasn't going to be found? If I hadn't been convinced of her death before, I certainly was now. Beneath the waves, lying with the rest of the Kingdom of Zeal, was the body of my sister somewhere. Instead of saying a goodbye, or anything at all, I left their lives the same way as I had joined them; through a Time gate._

_For months I journeyed the Ice Age, lost, and wandered with no clear direction in anything. I traversed the world, perhaps in an attempt to find a purpose, but the world was as cold and cruel as myself. The hatred was still burning brightly, and soon I suspected, it would devour me if it did not find a living target. There was nothing here to hate though, I suppose that was why I had chosen the particular era when Lucca had asked, and instead it leaked out through my actions as I wandered. I leveled mountains, played target practice with glaciers, and killed off entire species because their sight annoyed me; the scourge reborn._

_I eventually explored the underwater remains of the Ocean Palace and the Black Omen. I recovered lost tomes and books of magic, weapons and trinkets of unbelievable power, and knowledge that, as far as the rest of the world was considered, was lost forever. Sometime during my recovery of Zeal artifacts, as I mused that it was amazing all these things survived, I decided to give my sister the proper burial. For many more months on end I searched the ruins, calmly at first, then, eventually, a madness that drove all other thoughts away propelled me in my work. It was a purpose, a small one, but something that only I could do._

_I never found her body though, never found any magical residue that even hinted her ashes had once rested here. I found the body of my mother, the Queen, but not my sister. Then, the long dead hope that I'd thought beyond recovery, was lit yet again. That there was a hope in saving my sister, that, somewhere, she was waiting for rescue. Maybe Lavos had teleported her to a different time period as well, or maybe somewhere in this one, it didn't matter. I turned my purpose in burying her to saving her, and I madly applied myself to this as well._

_The hatred though, was not satisfied. Someone had to be blamed for her death, her disappearance, someone else besides Lavos, someone else like me. It had been my fault, twice, that my Zeal was destroyed. Twice, not many people can say that, and thinking about it made me hate my own weakness even more. How sad and pathetic I must be if I couldn't save my sister, even when given a second chance? Not many people get second chances at anything, yet I had and failed. I was worthless; my life was worthless, except to complete this one last task. _

_If I could save her, then at least I could die knowing that my hatred was wrong; that I hadn't failed her._

-----/

The faint sound of the wind, rushing along at an amazing speed, was the first sign that I was regaining consciousness, and the sound grew louder and louder as I slipped further from state of sleep. Soon the biting cold began to nip at my exposed face and arms, prompting me to open my eyes and perhaps see what was assaulting me so. As I blinked the last vestiges of confusion away, I again found myself exactly where I wish I wasn't. Though I remember none of the dreams I've had, and as such have doubted my ability to still dream, I must assume that it is a more comforting place than the Ice Age.

Wind whips frantically about me, blowing my tattered cape and unkempt hair in all directions, and I can barely here the crunch of snow as my boot makes another imprint into the hard white stuff. I fight against the wind, against the cold, and against myself to continue to the next stepping stone of my journey. In these moments it's as if sleep has never come to me, as if I closed my eyes for merely a second and then started up where I left off, because in truth sleep is more of a burden than boon. It consumes the precious hours and minutes that I could use to search elsewhere for my sister, for who knows how long she might still live? Or how long I might still breathe for that matter,

In truth I sleep only every few days, when my worn body forces me to rest, and I fall unconscious mid-stride and wake up covered in snow. Every time I hope that maybe I won't wake up, for surely my pace is of one who wants himself killed, but every time I am disappointed when I rise from the snow banks and continue on. Mayhaps fate watches over me in an amused manner, laughing as I madly search, or maybe my magic keeps me alive without my promptings. The answer matters little to me and, quickly, my thoughts snap back to my destination. To a large cave that, however unlikely, might hold my missing sister.

It sits next to the human settlement that somehow manages to survive in this cold hell. Once in every so often I am tempted to destroy them, completely and utterly changing history so that humans never come to power. Something stays my hand though, perhaps thoughts of those who I'd traveled with, or perhaps the small amount of mercy I still posses manages to veer me from that course. In any case I simply give a tired sigh in the direction of their camp as I skirt around the border of it so as not to be seen. I believe they think me a boogey man of sorts, mysteriously appearing cloaked in shadows and staring at them from beyond a veil of wind-whipped snow, and it almost amuses me the cry of alarm they make whenever I become visible to them. Now, however, I do not wish to provoke any such alarm, it would be a shame if I had to kill them after all.

The cave is a short distance away, large and imposing, and previously wholly ignored by me. I have however, in my madness perhaps, given great thought to where Schala might have willingly gone. Surely she would have wished to protect the fledging humans, choosing to remain close by but out of sight, and I have no better place to search than the caves. The entrance sits facing away from the earthbound settlement, looking like a small hill if approached from the rear, but the ground quickly drops down and a large maw opens up in the earth to form the portal. It looms above me even now as I stand outside of it, no sound comes from the large opening, and so I move onward.

Inside the wind stops, the chill feels slightly less biting, and darkness engulfs everything in my vision that rests just a few feet in. I call on reality to shape around my wishes and soon enough a ball of floating light appears slightly above my outstretched hand and illuminates the long, wide, winding passage that snakes deeper beneath the ground. Bones litter the floor I notice, and a multitude of large foot-prints follow the same path I am currently on. Perhaps they are old I say to myself, perhaps this was before Schala came to these caves. However as I reach the end, where two large Megasaurs sleep, I know I am wrong.

They are perhaps the last of their kind, their gaunt frame says their last meal was perhaps weeks ago and their shallow, and labored, breathing tells me that their end lies not far ahead. Do they know of their destiny to be killed, do they know the futility of their efforts? Why do they continue to persist, to try and continue living in a world that clearly does not want them anymore? Perhaps the same reasons drive them on as well, out of hatred for fate and destiny they strive to live and prove it wrong. Destiny, however, is immutable.

I take my will to reality again, like the blacksmith striking heated steel, and draw them into the void. Black tendrils snake out from my hands and engulf the large creatures, seeming to cover them in an inky sheet, and slowly they begin to fade into nothingness. One of their tails twitches slightly, as if trying to awaken, but ultimately they are pulled in without struggle. I release the tendrils and they fall limp to the cold ground, disappearing within seconds of me releasing the magic that fueled them. It was better this way, the void claims all in the end, why struggle.

I didn't kill them for mercy but rather to quench the anger that burned in my heart; their deaths did little to change the fact that the object of my obsession was naught to be found. Still angry, still hating, I clench my teeth together and stride back outside in a fury of magic and heat; another dead end, another wasted search. The wind tries to whip around me when I am back outside but my hate pushes it aside easily enough and carves a path of disappointment and anger in the snow around me. Fate has played me for the fool again, easily manipulating my designs and sending me in a wild chase that has no hope of victory.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" I scream into the air and, for a few moments, my power is enough to combat the elements and push the ever falling snow outwards.

"WHERE IS SHE!" I continue, my hatred fueling my magic as I continue to scream to the heavens. They know, they always knew, but they never told. Fate had always watched me, had even watched those that I'd journeyed with, and had used us as pawns in a greater war. Just like pawns we were cast aside once our job was done, Fate letting us go our separate ways with no compensation for the deeds we'd done. I also hated Fate, perhaps more than I hated myself, and one day I would reach out and take my answer forcefully from it.

No answers where forth coming from those above today, just a renewed gust of wind that pushed back the magical heat I had created and cooled the smoldering anger inside me. "Whatever" I mumbled to myself, I didn't need their help. I would eventually find what I was seeking.

With no ideas on where to check next, I decided to go back to the small fortress I'd created for myself. It was bound with enchantments and a solid fortification in case, by some off chance, I came under attack; paranoia had kept me alive this long and I'd found no need to abandon it yet. There I stored the relics recovered from the wreckage of Zeal; books, scrolls, weapons, and armor all recovered from the pressurized ocean that had guarded them. It was my sanctuary, a place in all the whirling, cold, chaos that stood constant and unchanging. Strangely I also hated it, the cold comfort that it offered me, and only when all other options were exhausted, like now, would I return there.

I grasped the thin strands of logic and reality that held the world together, and used my magic to teleport me from my current position to my throne room in my icy construct. At the time of its' construction I thought it rather appropriate to make it of solid ice; walls, floor, chairs, tables, shelves, cups, dishes, towers, doors, and chambers of pure solid ice. Now though I regarded it as a waste of energy, I could have easily summoned the rocks out of the earth for a structure with more endurance, but the cold weather outside sustained the waters solid state and destroying it would be a waste of more energy.

I appeared, as usual, in my icy throne that sat high on a raised platform overlooking the horde of treasure I'd manage to salvage. I never felt the need to venture to the other rooms of my castle, the countless bedrooms, kitchens, and cellars, partially because I didn't want to. Why I'd even created such rooms is a mystery to myself, perhaps one day I had illusions of having friends and family here. Instead I chose to remain in my treasure-laden throne room where I could continue my search for Schala, study the maps that the scholars of Zeal had made of the surface, and look for secrets of the earth that now only the books know. As I passed my gaze around the room I pointed to a tome lying face down atop a pile of battered armor; the book obeyed my command and jumped instantly to my hand, the pages flipping rapidly to turn to the exact page I'd been last reading.

It was a small map of the land around where the earthbounds now had their encampment, small circles drawn wherever a cave had been found, and all the caves were crossed out except my most recent travel. Xing off the cave with my fingers, a red X appearing shortly after the action, I threw the book violently against the wall. This was getting me nowhere! How many tomes lay with X's dotting their pages? For the thousandth time I again felt despair and hopelessness.

I perhaps would have continued this vicious cycle on and on until the years consumed my body and my hate tore at my mind. Perhaps one day I would have found Schala, perhaps not. I'll never know the answer to that though, to what could have been, but I do know how Belthasar came and interposed himself in my life. Yes, the old guru who'd been banished to the future and, after so many long years under the reign of Lavos, was senile but still brilliant. Like me, he too had been given a new chance at life and was rescued from the Lavos time line that had killed him. Mores the pity for it too, Belthasar had always been too far in the favor of my mother and, as far as I was concerned, was responsible for the events almost as much as she was.

Like most men of knowledge he tried for a simple, yet result producing approach, and knocked on my door instead of appearing in a cloud of dramatics. Lavos knows why I built that door, I didn't expect any visitors, ever, but I assume old prejudices die hard; a house has to have a door after all. The two sharp raps at my door echoed through the house, getting even my attention as the small sound echoed off empty walls and managed to make its' way to my throne room. Immediately I was there, next to my door, and promising swift death to the one that was foolish enough to come looking for it. On the other side of the ice I instead found the Guru of time himself.

I was half tempted to simply summon the void and have it swallow him up, I even might have if he were wearing his Zeal uniform, but it seemed he'd traded in the fancy silks and magically crafted items for a plain white robe. His grey beard, something that was always larger than the rest of his head, had managed to grow even further out and reached down to his knees, yet there was a clear lack of hair on his head. Even after all these years though I could still sense the unique magical aura that said this was indeed Belthasar and not my mind gone awry with haunting images. As always he carried a walking cane, though I'd never seen him use it, and his skin was just as wrinkled as when I was a youth and he uncountable years above me.

"You!" I spat out, I didn't want to see him or anything else that had helped in the construction of the Ocean Palace. He, however, seemed unaffected by my wrathful glaring or venomous accusations.

"Janus, how good to see you once again!" His voice was jubilated, as if he were actually happy to see me, and his smile stretched from ear to ear. Did he think me a fool to fall for such obvious lies?

"What do you want?" I asked still angry but vaguely intrigued by the fact that he was here and at my doorsteps.

"Can't an old man come by and chat with his friend without accusations flying everywhere?" Like the smile, his hurtful expression seemed genuine but that just meant he was a very talented liar.

"I'm not your friend, nor you mine. Leave or speak your piece." I ordered tersely, I had no wanting to bicker with the old fool. I had other places to look, other books to scour.

"That hurts Janus, it really does. I'll forgive you this time though; you look like you've had a harsh time and are probably a bit grumpy. You look as pale as death itself and as skinny as a pole, have you eaten anything recently? Or slept for that matter, your eyes are as red as the red crystals in the Mammon Machine!" His gaze roomed up and down me like he was looking for some weakness to exploit, a crack in my armor, but I was sure that no such crack existed.

"No, and I'm not hungry or tired. Go away, I've got other things to do aside from entertaining your curiosities about my state of being." I closed the door, and I thought the small chapter, on Belthasar in my life. He was a part of a past I longed to forget, not to resurrect. Zeal, though grand and bountiful it may have been, was a mistake that had rightfully been erased. Their arrogance had damned them to the same fate of those they cruelly enslaved. If anything, I wish that it could have been my hand to end its' rule and not the twisted logic of Lavos.

Fate had been equally cruel to both of us; both of us were, by all rights, already dead and both of us were set adrift in totally different time lines. I'd always supposed that with the death of Lavos I'd eventually see some of the changes and it seemed Belthasar was one such change. The fact that he was still alive, and still sane, was testament to that. For a breath I wondered how he'd journeyed here, and it took another breath for me to angrily turn back around and force the door open with a mighty blast of magic.

The fool was still outside, not at all affected by the foul weather, and his smile widen once I was visible again. How I wanted to wipe that stupid smile off of his face! That would have to wait though.

"What do you want?" I spat out through clenched teeth. My ability to keep my composure together had diminished with the years of solitude; here I had no one to hide my feelings from except myself. There were no generals to intimidate, no minions to inspire, and no human contact to worry about.

"Patience was something you never did have." He stated the painfully obvious and it seemed my facial expression must have said as much for he got to the point. "Your right, I've come with a request. I need your help Janus and I think it will benefit both of our causes." Hopefully somewhere in all his talk was mention of how he managed to come to this frozen part of time. "Go on."

"I know about how Lavos was defeated, about how you and a group of young people from various eras managed to kill it and thus prevented a huge disaster. Imagine my surprise when I first invented time travel, and used it, to find that someone else was already traveling back and forth in time, with my old invention none-the-less. As much as we, the future, appreciate the defeat of Lavos we can't have people going back and forth in time without checks. I've constructed a time station in a place outside of space and time, a place where changes to the time stream don't have the power to reach." He was babbling again, like he always did, and, like he had noted, I didn't have much patience.

"Would you get to the point already?"

"Yes, yes, your right. Janus, I'd like you to work for me and help stop the various factions that have gained control of time travel technology from altering the past." That was all well and nice, but it had nothing to do with me.

"So?"

"I know you search for your sister and you think she's lost somewhere out here in the vast ice fields but what if she's in another time period? While you're not doing missions you'll have free reign to search wherever you want, provided your search does not alter the timeline." That struck a cord, a very uncomfortable cord because it meant the old man was right, and often times I'd wondered what I'd do if indeed Schala wasn't in this time period. How would I find her then?

"Show me" I had to have proof before abandoning my quest and relocating my base of operations elsewhere. It's not as though I had any attachment to my ice castle but I didn't want to waste time when I could be using to for a more productive end. Those words seemed to lighten his face up as his smile, somehow, grew larger still and he gave a hearty laugh.

"Excellent Janus, excellent, we just have one more stop before heading to the Chronopolis and trust me when I say you'll be amazed" Belthasar pulled a small device from his pouch, the wand like object resembled Lucca's gate key, yet, had a look that spoke of higher technology.

"Janus is dead Belthasar, my name is Magus." I was growing tired of him using my old name when I no longer wanted it. Janus died with Zeal.

"Well why didn't you say so earlier?" He inquired as if actually surprised.

"Because I was originally going to ignore you until you went away, since it seems we will be in eachothers' company awhile I find it prudent to correct your ignorance."

"Very well 'Magus', let's be off" The emphases he put with my name made me want to ignite him and watch him burn until he was nothing more than a pile of ashes, but, as much as I hated admitting it, I needed him. After insulting my name he pointed his version of the gate key in front of us and a blue time portal appeared, bringing back memories of my adventuring days, before he stepped in. I didn't tell him, didn't want to admit it to myself, but the familiar howling in the wormhole was comforting in a welcome-home kind of way. It'd been a very long time since I'd left the frozen wastelands and a part of me was excited. I hated that part, the part of me that still had the ability to feel emotions, and I pushed it back down. I didn't need it distracting me from my goals. Our destination though, did interest me in the slightest.

It was the interest that I also sought to push down; the interest that I feared could derail me from my goal. So I pushed it to the back of my mind and instead considered the destination an irrelevant detail, something that only mattered to those of a lesser nature. What could have been an exciting time, or perhaps happy time, in my life became nothing more than a detail to be stored away for a later date. Nothing mattered except my quest to find, and save, Schala; not Belthasar, not this time portal, and certainly not his Chronopolis.

By the time my thoughts had run their course I'd already stepped through the portal and emerged, almost instantly it seemed, on the other side. There was a fresh quality to the air that had been missing from the desolate icy wastelands, a scent that signaled plants, trees, and animals. The only visible vegetation here though was the neatly trimmed grass patch that surrounded the large two story house. The sound of small children, playing I think, emanated from somewhere nearby but out of my vision, perhaps inside the large structure or, perhaps, behind it. The sun, something I'd almost forgotten existed, shined brightly upon the land and caused me to shade my vision with an upraised hand.

While nothing else was noteworthy in my immediate vicinity, the house did bear a striking resemblance to a certain house belonging to a certain inventor I'd once known. It was larger though, several rooms added on both floors, but the large gizmos and machines attached to the outside of the walls gave me the answer before I'd even consciously sought it; Lucca's place. It seemed she'd fared well enough after I'd left, no doubt a very successful inventor, and for a moment, and not a second longer, I almost envied the life she must have with friends and family. It was clear now where the laughter of the children originated from; she had a family, a house, and a purpose.

"Recognize anything Magus?" asked the smug guru next to me, we both already knew the answer and I responded to his queries with silence.

"She won't be expecting us, but then again she never is!" he exclaimed, though what he meant I wasn't quite sure. Instead of having the old man continue his further prattling I decided to figure out what was needed, get it done, and get out of here.

"What now?"

He looked at me as if I'd asked the dumbest question in the world, as if it should be plain as day what we were suppose to do. I responded, again, with silence.

"Why we knock on her door of course!" was the obvious reply I received. Without further question on my part the old man walked steadily towards her door, not at all seeming out of place considering he'd just warped in from another time period. Clearly he'd been here before, and many times at that. My only question was why? Did he seek to employ my past adventuring partners in his endeavour as well?

As he knocked on the heavy wooden door, quieting the laughter and shouting inside, I was tempted to slink away into the shadows and let him conduct his business with Lucca alone. I had neither wanting nor reason to converse with the mad scientist again, nor did she have any reason to see an old enemy like myself. As much as I wanted to simply walk off in a random direction until I was out of sight, I didn't. If I couldn't face Lucca again after all these years, then I'd become weaker; that was something I couldn't allow. I'd dared to face Lavos one-on-one and I could do the same with a simple inventor.

By the time the door opened, admitting the peering gaze of a brown haired youth, I'd managed to float my way next to the smiling old fool as he explained his request to the child. I assume he'd asked for Lucca by name since the child scampered off shortly after and, a few heart-beats later, the aforementioned scientist appeared in the doorway. In her arms was another small child, barely old enough to posses the small spot of blonde hair dotting its' head, and a heard of other children gathered behind her. She looked as well as when I'd last seen her, though she'd grown her hair out and let it cascade down her neck in an untamed wave. Otherwise she appeared in remarkable health for a woman that, I assume, had birthed so many children. Quickly I stepped off to the side, letting the rest of the partially opened door obscure me from Lucca. I managed this before she turned back around from handing the baby off to one of the older children.

"Belthasar, it's nice to see you again. What brings you around?" Lucca asked with a forced smile, she really didn't want to see him and I could hear it in her voice. It was the same kind of forced voice I'd heard my sister use when with mother. It really asked why he wouldn't leave her alone, why he was here again when she didn't want to see him; despite the frequency of his visits Belthasar seemed all but welcomed here. It didn't seem to bother the old man though, whether he knew the truth or not, and he smiled dumbly and gestured wildly about as he spoke.

"I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by. I brought an old friend to see you!" that was when the codger opened the door wider, disposing of my last veil. The second she saw me, the second the children say me, I heard a collective gasp, as if someone had managed to suck all the air out of the area. Even without knowing who my identity the children could sense the power that lurked beneath, or so I arrogantly assumed, while Lucca had the general look in her eyes of someone seeing a ghost. She recovered quickly enough, her gaze settling on me not so long as to be what some would call an awkward pause, and, it seemed, she smiled genuinely.

"Magus" see smiled "What an odd pleasure!"

Why I was considered an odd pleasure, or any kind of pleasure at all, was a mystery to me, but I had a feeling I'd soon find out.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Breaking the Ties that Bind

Welcome to the Chronopolis Database, retrieving requested data:

Data results(1): currently being displayed

Journal excerpt of Subject Janus Zeal, date unknown:

_There were times, during my quest of vengeance and the years following, that I often wondered what Chrono and his group thought of me. Was I simply a tool, a magical weapon wielded to defeat an even greater foe? Was I someone they simply tolerated, or bore the burden of company, because our goals happened to be the same? Or did they somehow think me more akin to a friend, perhaps thinking I thought of them in that respect as well? It didn't really matter either way, because to me they were simply a handy nuisance._

_Or that is what I like to tell myself in those odd moments when my mind drifts back to the days of fighting side by side with them. To the day when we finally defeated Lavos, to the day my vengeance was finally complete. At times it felt almost like camaraderie, a feeling of belonging and a sense of purpose. Those days, those feelings, I keep well hidden from even myself. Only the mission is important, only Schala, and these attachments and ties will only bind me down and weaken my resolve. When I wonder what they thought of me, what they still think of me, I tell myself it doesn't matter._

_Not because it's the truth, but because it's what I need to believe._

: End of Record :

_------/_

An orphanage, it was hardly the role I'd expected Lucca's home to serve. Nor did I ever expect the excitable, and dangerous, inventor to ever willing take children in as it was a severely risky prospect for both the children and Lucca. A herd of kids in a space filled with inventions, often exploding ones, had to make her house the worse deathtrap I'd seen since the Ocean Palace. It wasn't humor on my part, merely observation. Ozzie's castle was more of a death-trap than this place was any way, inadvertent as it may have been.

After inviting us in, and guiding us through the sea of kids still full of mute shock, she fetched us chairs and offered us some drinks from a machine called a 'Tea maker', a large metal pot that somehow heated itself. It had a slight cinnamon spice mixed with other tastes not sharp enough for my mind to make notice of and it seemed to put her at ease that even the great Magus did, once in a while, take an offered drink. I'd taken it only to make things faster. If I'd denied it she'd be able to use it as an offer later and that would just end up taking more time. No, better to gets things done fast.

"Last time we meet you said about the only way I'd get you to join was to first get Magus on board" I caught Belthasar saying amongst the constant drone of his speaking. From the corner of the room I occupied, leaning between a bookcase and a device Lucca called the fridge, I shot a questioning glare to both of them in their occupied seats at the large dining table. Lucca coughed on her drink, the extra coughs added afterwards were all fake, before responding.

"Well yes… I did say that" she murmured and adjusted her glasses. She always fidgeted with her glasses when nervous or thinking.

"Why?" I asked simply from my corner, sending my questioning glance with my spoken words.

"I didn't think he'd be able to find you, let along convince you to join his crazy scheme" Lucca explained.

"So, are you convinced yet?" interrupted Belthasar with a smile.

"I'm convinced your still going about this the wrong way" responded Lucca with a sigh and heavy head shake "I agree with your motive but what you are trying to do is impossible."

"He seems to be onboard" pointedly argued Belthasar, causing me to question exactly what he thought I was onboard for.

"Has he even told you what it is he is trying to do?" asked Lucca, this time her was question directed at me. I really didn't care what Belthasar was trying to do, he had the ability to let me travel through time for my search and that was all that mattered. To Lucca's response I shrugged. "I really don't care as long as he upholds his end of the bargain."

"What bargain?" Lucca sharply said, looking at Belthasar, who only coughed, and pointed back to me. I had no reason to tell her my plans, or the agreements I'd made with others, and told her as much. "It's none of your business."

"None of my business" she practically shouted "What you are doing could effect all of time and you're telling me it's none of MY business!" I sensed movement off to my side and glanced sharply to see the huddled mass of kids peeking in through the closed kitchen door, apparently her outburst had drawn the attention of the small ones she'd cared for.

"Yes, I am" I responded harshly "Just like it is none of my business what goes on between you and the old fool." I'd had enough of this; I wasn't here to argue or interact. I was simply here because Belthasar had said he needed to stop here first, now I doubted his motives. It didn't bother me that he was using me to attract Lucca to whatever team he was attempting to build, I had my reasons and she had hers. With that thought I left through the kitchen door, the same door the brats had taken up spying positions behind, and the small ones scattered like a disturbed nest of bats. Lucca called out for me to stop, the exact words absorbed by the strong wooden walls of the house, and I continued on regardless of her plea.

---

I assume they continued talking for no one followed me as I forced my way out of the house, objects either moved of their own accord or when I pushed them aside. Once I was outside again I stopped my march, my sudden reason for wanting to vacate her house lost to me now and, instead of returning inside, I walked the length of her invention filled structure. As expected of Lucca tubes and machines lined the walls outside; instructional signs were posted next to some and warning signs next to others. I walked the perimeter once over and, having nothing better to do, continued to walk around it several more times, lost more in thought than in the details of the structure or the serene scenery.

In my musings, over nothing important or particular, I noticed I'd attracted a following. A young blonde haired girl seemed intent on mirroring my movement, even when I'd taken my path away from the house and into a group of trees I'd discovered on my small jaunt. There I awaited my small stalker, normally when someone followed you it wasn't simply doing so for the view of your backside. When she finally came close enough for me to read the expression on her face, curiosity and wonder, I decided it was time to find out exactly why she'd been following me in the first place; all in my usual blunt, and sometimes crude, manner.

"What do you want?"

The young girl, not more than 4 years old, simply scrunched her nose up "What do you want, you're the one walking around our house." She seemed brave enough, not immediately sputtering an excuse like some subordinates I had, but then again she didn't truly know me. Didn't no that I'd killed greater men for lesser sentences.

She wore a bright yellow sun-dress, I believe that's what they are called, and small sandals; dressed like any young girl would be I assume. Her dress, however, was covered in dirt, as well as her face and legs, and her blonde hair, which looked as if it had been tied up once, was poking out everywhere; a notoriously rebellious youth.

"Just waiting for the old fool inside" I responded. For some reason, whether it was because I was here with him or because I'd called the guru a fool, it made her smile and straightened her gaze.

"You mean Mr. Bell-tha-sar?" questioned the kid "Big sis doesn't like him."

"Lucca?" I inquired, she nodded in response, and again I wondered what exactly Belthasar was doing to earn Lucca's ire. "Why doesn't she like Belthasar?"

"I dunno" shrugged the girl as she walked closer to the tree I was leaning against "He visits a lot though. Big sis liked him when he first showed up but then something happened, I dunno what it was. He keeps coming here and asking her to help him build a Cro-no-opolosis and Big Sis always tells him no." By the time her explanation was finished she was leaning on the same tree next to me, imitating me perhaps, yet I did not chase her away as I might with most. There was something about her that was different, something that made me not mind the fact that she was coaxing a conversation out of me. "Hey mister, what's your name?"

"I have no name, only a title" I responded, reciting the truths that I'd convinced myself of. Magus was not my name, despite what I told others, only a marking of my stature and magic abilities. To my response she looked at me more intently with a questioning gaze only a child could have and asked, "What's a title?"

"It is a label to let others know what you specialize in." I specialized in magic, it was my weapon, my defense, and my tool; magic was everything to me. I'd devoted countless hours of my life away to its' mastering, bent on revenge as I was, and the title I'd given myself seemed only fitting.

"So, big sis's title is Inventor right? What's your title mister? And why don't you have a name?" The way she asked the questions, the way she had no pre-disposition on such matters, only a child could have such innocence. We are all children once, for a matter of years, and then the reality of the world crashes down upon us. For some this is a gentle experience and for others it is like diving into ice cold water, shock and fear take place of reason. One day you realize what you've become, what the world has shaped you into, and that childhood innocence is gone.

"My title is Magus, the name I used to go by is dead" I responded, my mind still occupied with thoughts of things long past before I forcefully push them into the nether-recess of my mind.

"That's sad, didn't know you could kill a name." morosely responded the child as if she really were sad, as if a name could really die. Let her keep her innocence though. "My names' Kid, don't call me 'that kid' though 'cause it's not my name. Some people say it's a funny name but I like it 'cause Big sis gave it to me. What does a magus do anyways?"

"Many horrible things" I responded in truth. Before she had a chance to respond, to ask in her innocence what horrible things I've done, Lucca's voice called out for her.

"I'm over here Lucca" Kid called back, a deafening yell for one so small, and a moment later Lucca rounded the bend behind the house and spotted the two of us.

I'm not sure if it was surprise or concern that showed more on her face, surprise that I'd managed to stand the presence of a child for more than a moment or concern for said child's wellbeing. She seemed flustered as well, probably from an argument with the persistent guru, but hid most of it under a chuckle. "Well, well seems you've meet one of the kids Magus."

"Indeed, Kid has been a sufficient source of information." My comment caused Lucca to stiffen, voluntary or not, and I could see the warning lights flashing in her eyes. She had no reason to fear me however, I had only one goal and she had yet to impede it.

"Belthasar said he was going to talk to the others, Chrono and Marle, but I told him it would be a waste of time. He's going to do it anyway, couldn't find you though and left, you could probably catch up with him if you wanted he isn't that far down the road." Expectedly she was trying to get me away from her, and her children, as quickly as possible. It was expected, by me anyway, and I took it as nothing more than looking out for your own safety. I wasn't safe to be around, it was better this way.

"Or" she started as I begin to walk away "You could stay for some tea and tell me what you've been doing these past five years."

Strangely enough, as if my words weren't my own, I said "I'll take the tea."

----/

I again found myself leaning against the side of the chilly, and apparently sweating, device that Lucca called the fridge. Lucca, again with tea in hand, sat casually in a table chair turned away from the table and pointing in my direction. She patted the head of the small blonde hair girl, Kid, before the child scampered off and left Lucca and myself alone. The departure of Kid, for some reason, damped my mood and I found myself scowling before Lucca even asked any questions. Suddenly my willingness to open up, to stay and have a cup of tea, seemed like a foreign idea. Why would I care to discuss what had happened these past uncounted years?

"So, Magus, tell me a little of what you've been up to." requested Lucca before I could remove myself from the cold emitting device and avoid the confrontation. I thought about all the response I could give, even about leaving still, but in the end decided to keep it simple and detail free.

"Searching for Schala." It was simple and to the point. By the expression on her face I could tell she had been looking for more, maybe an actual sentence, and my trailing silence was not providing the desired info; mores the pity I guess.

"Well…you haven't changed much have you? Ok, you technically answered the question so it's your turn." Lucca responded after fidgeting with her glasses and taking a sip of tea.

"My turn?" I hadn't been aware we were participating in an event that required the taking of turns.

"It's like a question exchange, I ask you a question and then you get to ask me one. It's more interesting that way I think, better than letting me constantly badger you with questions eh?" Her raised eyebrow indicated the last remark had actually been a question instead of a statement and indeed I did not favor the thought of question after question being directed at me.

"Very well," I stated with an absence of emotion as I racked my brain for anything I cared to ask about. A picture of Kid, of the other children, suddenly popped into my head "What happened that caused so many orphans?"

"The war," Lucca said with a dreary and tired sigh "After we came back from beating Lavos we discovered that Porre had been changed from what we remember it as. Somehow the changes we'd made created a militaristic Porre, one that had had its' sights on Gaurdia for a very long time. Almost less than a year after we returned they attacked us and we've been at war ever since. A lot of soldiers never come back, and some families just can't support children with only one parent."

My silent reply was taken as an approval by Lucca and she paused a moment, perhaps thinking of those she had known that the war had claimed, before voicing her question.

"Have you had any luck in finding her?" For one so smart I'd have thought the answer would have been rather apparent but it seemed she needed conformation from me anyhow.

"No, only ice and solitude." Again I answered her question yet deprived her of the extra information that Lucca, as a scientist and inventor, yearned to posses. I'd learned long ago that she relished in the details and took a great amount of joy in examining something piece by piece to find out how it all fit together.

"Magus, your turn again." She reminded me with a slight tip of her cup towards me and I snapped out of my musings to form an adequate question.

"Do you still have the Epoch?" Perhaps if it was still in a functioning state I wouldn't need to indulge Belthasar's idea.

"No, I took it apart like I said I would. Besides, judging from the shoddy state the circuits were in after our little adventure, it would have eventually died on its' own in a year at the latest. Some of its' parts are plastered around the house if you want to take a look at them later." Her tea cup sat empty on the table now and she eyed me critically, as if measuring the response her next question might elicit.

"Magus, I know your reasons are your own but do you even know what Belthasar is up to?" Her probing eyes were listening just as carefully as her ears, looking for perhaps some hint of…what I can't tell.

"As I said earlier, I don't care."

"Well I'm going to tell you anyways, he wants to set up his station, the Chronopolis, to go around policing time against anyone who wants to change it." That sounded like Belthasar all right, controlling and self-righteous. Let the old fool police time, I have no concern for those would look to exploit time-travel.

"And this bothers you …why?" It was my turn to ask a question after all, might as well use it.

"Because" she sighed as if the answer should be obvious "What if something like that had been around when we went jumping back and forth through time? The future would still end up desolate and Lavos would still be alive to do who knows what, maybe send out other spawns to other worlds and do what it'd done to ours. I can't support an organization that would stop people from trying to change the future for the better and I can't believe you can either. They would have stopped you from trying to kill Lavos just the same as the rest of us."

"Lucca" I said slowly "I…Don't…care. You could ask 'What if's…' all day, I am out only to find my sister and rest of the timeline can be damned." There, I'd said my reason for helping out the old guru. I had an inkling she'd already known anyways, my motives were never all that hard to see through. She gritted her teeth before responding further and instead continued on the little game we'd began.

"Why didn't you ask us for help?" She asked the question as if I actually believed they would have helped. They'd saved their world, what did one girl, sister to a one time enemy, matter to them. I didn't need them anyway, my self-given quest was only to prove myself wrong and I had no need for third party inclusions or invading opinions. She motioned for me to answer after my several seconds of silence and I glared daggers in her direction before providing my response.

"Because I didn't want too, satisfied?"

"No, but since you asked a question already it's my turn again." Her tone was aggressive and I believe she would have asked another question had she not had the excuse.

"Why do you act so stuck up? We were worried about you, well some of us were, and we would have helped you if only you'd asked!"

"I act how I act, whether or not you like it is little worry to me. What do you want me to do, build a time machine and come visit every week to have a tea-side chat?" I asked in my most sarcastic tone possible, adding a sneer and scoff at the end.

"You didn't have to leave in the first place!" she exclaimed and threw her hands up in the air "But no, we can't have the great Magus angst free and actually living a life! I was actually worried about you while you were gone, can you believe that?"

"No," I stated bluntly, my turn again "What does it matter to you what I do?" It shouldn't matter to her; Lucca had most often been the most vocal with her dislike of me and my methods. You don't need to kill the monsters that don't attack us Magus, why do you always scowl at everyone Magus, or, my favorite, what's your problem anyways Magus!

"I was worried about you, you idiot! You just asked to be gated to the most inhospitable place in time and then left without saying anything else! How could I not worry?"

"By simply not caring" I answered her question then posed my own "Why do I matter to you anyway?"

"I don't know" sighed Lucca back "I don't know why but I've wonder and worried everyday about what happened to you. I don't know why, but I care. I thought that once Lavos was dead that Magus would, I don't know, just vanish. Can't you just drop the title and be Janus?"

"Janus is dead" I said with sharp steel in my voice. Janus IS dead, I told myself for the thousandth time, but truth is most often what you don't want to believe "Waste your emotions on those that can still care, the only thing I have left is my mission. There's no happy retirement, no happy ending, only the void awaits me once I'm done. When Magus dies, I die." Her eyes were shining with unshed tears, tears I could tell she was trying hard to hold back, as she asked another question.

"Can't you just stay and let me help you?" It wasn't a question though, it was a plea.

"My path has nothing to do with you, nor did it ever. Coincidence bound us together for a common goal but my road will always be beneath you. Good-bye Lucca."

I walked out after that, through the same door as earlier, and the sound of her sobbing managed to follow me until I made it outside. Kid was there, along with the rest of the children, and was at the head of their makeshift formation. The way her head was tilted, the frown she wore on her face, and the way she stood told me she was angry. I didn't have time for this, I wasn't going to explain myself to a group of brats whose total age was perhaps half of the life I'd already lived.

"You made Lucca cry" Kid stated angrily "You better not come back, and tell Belthasar to stay away too." It seemed the conversation earlier had been an act, her words were clear and perfectly spoken, even the old fool's name enunciated correctly, and even if she didn't have the capability to back up her demands I sense she'd try anyway. For some reason I dreaded hurting her, something in the pit of my gut warned me against it, and I snarled and bared my fangs to intimidate my way through the children. "Out of my way brats!"

Immediately they all jumped out of the way, all except for Kid who slowly stepped to the side. As I passed they all eyed me with fear, except for Kid whose glare could rival a Luminaire. There was some part of me that felt sad about that, some distant remote part that sat in the corner of my subconscious and interfaced with the rest of the world in a diluted voice. I crushed it as well, blocked away anything that even hinted at any feelings what so ever, and pushed further on.

As I left I could still picture Lucca, asking me to let her help, and shook my head free of such wasted thoughts. The chapter on her in my life was over, never really begun in the first place, and I could waste no more thoughts on what could have been. Instead I had to find Belthasar and depart, leaving this time period, these attachments, behind forever.

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	3. Chapter 3

Hello and welcome again to another chapter of The Observers -Aftermath-. It's been awhile for any type of update due to several factors(ship life, distance education, and other life things). I do hope there are some people out there still reading this. Anyhow, expect the next update whenever I happen to get the chance to write. Hopefully the story is deserving of your patience. Anyhow, enjoy Chapter 3.

**Chapter 3: Deviations**

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Welcome to the Chronopolis Database, times largest repository of information and facts. How can we serve you today?

_Find Definition: Deviation_

Command Acknowledged, retrieving requested data:

Definition: Deviation

A) A variation that deviates from the standard or norm

B) The difference between an observed value and the expected value of a variable or function

C) The error of a compass due to local magnetic disturbances

D) Deviate behavior

E) A turning aside (of your course or attention or concern)

Sea Also: Time Deviation, Deflection, Divergence, Diversion

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The clouds had moved in shortly after I'd left Lucca's, bringing with them a cold wind. As if it was my lot in life, as if I was forever struggling against the winds of fate, I marched forward relentless as ever. Soon rain pelted down from the heavens and I watched as the castle, visible on a clear or cloudy day, vanished behind the heavy downpour. I gritted my teeth in annoyance and moved on. I'd marched through blizzards, I could certianly withstand alittle rain.

Lightning flashed in the distance, crashing down somewhere in a distant cope of trees, and threw stark shadows across the landscape as day was slowly descending into night. While it was true the castle was no short walk from Lucca's house, it certainly shouldn't have taken this long. Somewhere along the way I'd lost myself amongst the rain and wind. Though I was still on the dirt road that had, at all times during my previous visit, lead to Gaurdia's castle.

The sound of heavy neighing, of hoofs beating against the ground, sounded behind me as a group of riders hurriedly raced down the road. They raced by without incident, a few throwing me odd looks, and I notice the flag of Guardia, sticking up from a pole attached to the lead rider. As quickly as I had noticed them, they vanished in another curtain of rain. For a moment I wondered where they were going and then shrugged the thought off. What did it matter after all?

Instead of worrying about things that probably didn't involve me, I instead took my will to reality and carved forth a shield against the rain and lifted myself slightly off the surface of the world. Then I speed quickly across the ground, covering the distance faster and easier than before.

-------/

Lightning flashed yet again in the stormy sky, shedding a momentary flash of light onto the corpse I was examining. The dead body had been my first clue that I'd run into another annoyance. His eyes were open in a way that suggested he must have been shocked when the fatal blow had come, must have thought he was invincible until that point. Thin chain mail, the type I'd noticed calvalry had the tendency to wear, and slashed cape proudly displayed the defaced Gaurdia crest. The blood that ran down the sword still grasped in his hands said that he'd at least felled a few as well, or perhaps he'd tripped on his own sword and lifted himself free in the last moments of his shock.

In any case the battle seemed over, the only sound that blew across the grass field was that of rain and thunder. The smart thing to have done would have been to turn around and seek the castle in better weather. Instead I scoured the rest of the battle field, gleaming further information from what bodies I could find and the equipment that had become abandoned. My best guess was that both sides had started out with the purpose of countering the other, both knew of their enemies well before hand. The rain though had hid them until the final moments when they passed through the others formation. Chaos ensued after that as each side raced to come about and face the other. Both sides had been surprised, sneak attacking one another unknowingly.

The clang of blades sounded unexpectedly off to my right, the fighters still hidden from my vision, and I marched forward eager to slay whatever Porre fool I might find still alive; I hadn't taken Gaurdia and I wasn't about to simply let Porre have it while I was still in this time period. The sounds stopped again and silence encompassed the battle field and stretched into a long awkward pause, something more suited to interrupting a conversation than a fight. I took measured steps, walking lightly and listening intently.

I managed to duck moments before a plate wearing man emerged from the curtains of rain, a sudden appearance that could have mimicked the end to an invisibility spell. He overexerted the blow and it was a simple matter of walking into his reach and slamming my palm against his armored visor. Then I willed him into the void. Empty plate clattered to the ground and I waited for any further opponents. The battle field again seemed silent though and so I continued my walk looking for further fights.

"Sergeant!" a loud yell sounded, coming from a direction where I'd still not explored.

"SERGANT KLAUS!" yelled the same voice again. I walked eagerly towards it, hoping for more Porre soldiers. My only moments of true purpose were in combat, there were no questions there just simple survival.

"He's dead James, let him go…" came the soothing voice of, what I could tell, was a female. The voice was a loud whisper, the rain and wind forcing personnel requests into public demands.

"Damn Porre!" came a third voice, a voice gruffer than the first "Didn't even see them until they were on us! We showed them though, not even cowardly ambushes will defeat the Knights of the Square Table!"

I'd heard of the Knights of the Square table, an organization that had somehow survived through the dark ages. I suppose Frog had managed to accomplish something after his return. Never mind that the name sounded ridiculous, though from my experience royalty never were good with words.

"CHARGE!" came a rallying cry from behind me, interrupting my musings, and I turned sharply around as three Porre Soldiers tried their best to charge through me. My years of battle, of killing and fighting, kicked in and I materialized my scythe in a smooth motion to rake across the chest of the lead-man. He collapsed backwards as I let my weapon vanish back into the nothingness that spawned it and palmed the two other warriors to my parallels. One collapsed writhing in flames while the other stood his ground, frozen in a block of ice that would thaw in a few days to leave a rotting, but well preserved, corpse. The heavy footfall of plated boots raced all around me and the voices I'd heard earlier shouted "TO ARMS KNIGHTS!"

Swords and shields meet in the distance, the two sides meeting in battle, and I hurried to join the fray. The first battle I stumbled upon had a tall axe wielding knight keeping his four attackers at bay with wide, and fast, arcs of his enormous axe. I quickly took count of who wore what crests and then rushed in behind with brutal efficiency. Two fell, their heads tumbling comically to the ground, and their comrades looked back with muted awe. That proved to be the distraction needed for the axe wielder and he finished off what I had not, crumpling one under the large weapon and bating the over away with practiced ease.

A brief look passed to me, as he evaluated whether I was a threat or not, and he nodded and ran towards where he probably guessed his compatriots were fighting. I followed simply in hopes of further combat. The other battles were un-note worthy, we found no more than two or three Porre soldiers at a time though we did add a few Gaurdia soldiers to the small squad that I was trailing. A shorter blonde haired man and a black-haired woman; both wore light chain mail and carried bows in addition to the common long sword they were currently blooding.

At last the battlefield was again, for the time being, clear of all Porre soldiers. It was then the three turned around to regard me, and unlike the varied looks I'd gotten before I was instead greeted with grateful nods. For the time being anyhow.

"That was some fine fighting!" yelled the axe wielding man, upon getting a closer look at him I noticed the large scar that ran across his forehead and one under his throat. Brown, short cropped, hair sat on top of his head, a small topping for such a massive warrior. His wide nose more than made up for the lack of hair and it seemed to be the defining feature of his face.

"Are we the only ones left?" asked the blonde haired one, his hair sticking out in a manner that resembled Chrono's on some of his better days, and his eyes shifted back and forth as they constantly scanned the scene for more enemies. His constant shifting, along with his angular face, brought to mind a cautious bird on the look out for predators.

"Us and a few horses that ran a distance away" responded the black-haired female, her facial features soft compared to the hard metal shell she wore into battle. After quickly sizing up her companions she turned her examining, hazel eyed, gaze my way and smiled as she did a once over of my condition.

"Thanks friend, I'm glad you happened upon us when you did. Most likely one or two of us would be dead if it wasn't for your help." She smiled a sad smile, but it was a genuine smile and told more than she'd probably meant.

"That it was, you're quite deadly with the stick of yours!" laughed the larger, scarred, axe-weidling brute. The fire of battle still burned in his dark brown eyes and griped his axe repeatedly in an effort to extinguish the engergy.

"It's a scythe, not a stick" I replied with indifference, rematerializing the weapon in my hands.

"You a mage or something?" asked the larger man again, dumbfounded at my weapon's sudden appearance. There was accusation in his words and a suspicious glint in his eyes; he had a bad history with magic it seemed.

"Something like that" I responded.

"We don't need any mage trouble around here" he responded, his eyes narrowed and hands inched farther down his axe.

"He just saved us Brak, who cares if he's a mage or not!" exclaimed the female, sighing in exasperation as she walked closer to offer me a hand. "Sorry about my friend's suspicion. He's had some, umm, bad experiences with mages and magic. I'm Janice, this is Brak, and the paranoid one over there is James."

"Charmed" I said acidly as I glared daggers at the offered hand. She dropped it nervously after a few seconds of letting it hang there and turned back to her companions.

"We're going back to Gaurdia Castle to report what's happened here, they've advanced farther in that we'd thought. We were suppose to be reinforcements for the bridge but it seems we are too late…."

"You're saying too much again" spoke up James from behind her "We don't know if we can trust him." Suspicious eyes, much like those from Brak, were centered upon me, though those same eyes seemed to size up everything and everyone around him. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for your assistance, but these are difficult times. Who knows who could be a Porre spy? We don't need another repeat of the Chancellor incident."

"Anyway, I was just going to offer him a ride geeze, chill James" sighed Janice, her childish attitude in a bloody battle seemed out of place but neither of the other knights seemed to pay it any extra heed "Anyways, since we are going back to the castle I'd like to invite you. The king, and Crono, would be very grateful for your efforts."

"As it happens, that is exactly where I need to be."

-------/

Janice had a way with animals it seemed, she called out the horses by name and they came trotting happily through the rain and mud. There were four in total; Fatty, Lucky, Spotty, and George. I, on the other hand, had a different way with animals. My offered horse, George, did his best to back off and otherwise stay out of my presence. He was braver than most, any horse I've ever attempted to ride usually galloped away at full tilt when I grab the saddle. Most animals, wild or not, react in the same manner or are violently riled and attempt attack. The one exception had been Alfrador, the only pet I'll ever lay claim too or ever claim friendship with. The true casualty in the falling of Zeal had been losing him.

Instead of attempting to ride the scared animal I hovered alongside their three horse formation that sped through the sparse rain and light fog that was now descending upon the land in the wake of the hellish storm. Every so often I caught Brak throwing glances at me, assuring I was still there and perhaps reassuring him that I wasn't attempting to cast a fiendish spell his way. James seemed intent on trying to scan through the fog with his eyes; I'd catch him staring in the murky stuff for minutes on end in one direction while somehow keeping his horse going along with the rest. Janice tried striking up banter and chat with the remaining Square Table knights and myself, failing most of the time much to her dismay.

"So, what business do you have at the castle anyway?" she asked, the fourth in a series of questions that came at an interval of every few minutes.

"Looking for an old fool" I responded simply, still mindlessly gliding along.

"Don't talk about the king like that!" barked Brak back at me from his position in front.

"Calm down Brak, he probably didn't mean the king. Right stranger?" interposed Janice in the conversation.

"No, I was talking about another old fool" I responded with cool disdain. Loyalties were always fun to test, how far would a King's knight go to protect his good name? Would Brak lash out at me and give me an excuse to show him how bad magic can actually be?

"Stupid mage" grumbled Brak at the comment and turned his attention back to the front. Janice slowed down her trot to the same speed as my hovering and gave me a cross look.

"Are you TRYING to get into a fight with him or something?" Janice scolded.

"Maybe" I responded coldly "Or maybe I'm trying to see if he's as foolish as most knights I've met. Blindly rushing into a battle because of words, and dying most useless deaths."

"You don't like Gaurdia much do you?" asked Janice with real interest "Or maybe you just don't like knights."

"Pick which option suits you" I responded with a shrug "I have a terrible history with either subject."

Janice rode alongside me quietly for a few moments, perhaps trying her best to not say anything at all or come up with a convincing counter-point. At last she settled on story.

"You remind me of Brak over there" she indicated with a slight tilt of her head in his direction, "You both keep old hatred's alive. Do you know how he got those scars all over his face?"

I remained silent, and then at last shook my head no. I could think of a variety of spells and weapons that could cause something like that but pinpointing one was impossible.

"It was at the start of the war and we ran into a contingent of Porre soldier's bearing rifles and a strange kind of magic they called 'Elements'. We lost the battle and Brak was captured by the enemy and held as a POW for three weeks until we finally rescued him. He never talks about what happened to him those weeks but I've seen other scars on his body that he tries to hide. I know whatever happened was caused by magic; he refuses any magic healing or enchanted weapons and armor. Whenever there's a mage around he gets jumpy and paranoid."

So a man gets hurt by magic and then shuns it the rest of his life. Was this story attempting to convince me of his cowardice? If so it was doing a fine job.

"I don't know what happened to you in the past but I do know that it is in the past, not the present. You can skulk and insult it all you like, you can be an asshole as much as you like, but were not going to fight you over simple insults. If you don't want to talk to us or be friendly you don't have to, but I pity someone who hangs onto the past like that. It's weakness, not strength." Janice gave her speech and then increased the speed of her gallop to resume her position between James and Brak.

"Whatever" I mumbled to myself. No one else attempted conversation the rest of the ride. For which I was eternally grateful for.

------

"Halt there good riders of Gaurdia" came the voice, along with the silhouette, of a horse-bearing rider. The three knight formation stopped and pulled alongside one another instantly, swords out and eyes keenly scanning the rest of the fog for an ambush. In the stead of a deadly ambush was a simply dressed Gaurdia flag bearer, cloaked in a rain coat and with nothing more than plain leather armor and a stick. The second flag, hanging smaller and underneath Gaurdia's, proclaimed him to be a messenger I think. I'd seen similar messengers cloaked in similar garb and with a similar setup in the war I'd waged with them.

"Hail Messenger!" shouted Janice as she spotted the flag as well and closed distance with the green cloaked figure. The other two hung back, either because that was just how it was done, or to keep an eye on me. A few words exchanged between the two and she came trotting back to us with two tubes in hand and a worried look on her face.

"Brak, James, it seems the town is under siege and our assistance is required immediately. We are to follow the messenger to meet up with the rest of our forces elsewhere and then break the siege and counter attack to secure the bridge. It's going to be a long night." Her orders were crisp and, probably, verbatim from what the messenger had just told her. Good leaders passed orders like these, to the point and clear. The two knights nodded and galloped to meet with the still waiting messenger.

"You" pointedly said Janice "have two scrolls, one from a man called Belthasar and another from an 'old friend'. I suppose this means something to you because I know of no Belthasar and I don't suspect you keep a large company of friends." Unlike when she spoke to her comrades, she did not intone the respect in her voice when addressing me, it was more of a disdain. Quickly the tubes left her hand as I levitated them my way, unconcerned with her feelings towards my attitude.

"I assume I am left to find the castle myself then?" My sneer accompanied my question and I thought for sure she would walk away without response.

"Keep going due north, you'll see it soon enough." She explained simply enough and then galloped away without a goodbye or a wave. However she turned around midway to the messenger and shouted farewell advice.

"Enjoy your stay in the castle, and remember my words." Then they vanished in the fog, the rapid beating of hooves the only indication that they were still in the vicinity and even that too faded. Her words were taken on deaf ears, Brak's story, or even her own untold past, palled in comparison to having your entire world destroyed in a single night. Let her think see knew true disparity.

I opened the scroll tube with the large B across it, assuming that the B meant Belthasar. The parchment that came out was not parchment at all, but rather a thin plastic like sroll that immediately unfurled in the palm of my hands. Text appeared on the plastic slide, lighting up like so many of the electronic devices I'd seen in Lucca's house or from the bleak future. Then I read the contents of slide.

_"Tsk Tsk I can't leave you for five minutes without you causing a Deviation. This is your first warning, do not interfere with this time line. We've sent an Observer to clean up your mess, it was the messenger if you must ask, and I also instructed him to deliver this message when he ran into you. If you need more motivation besides my strict instructions, you can rest easy knowing that those three were supposed to die in that battle. Now, instead of dying in defense of their country, they will be killed alone, and surprised, by a total stranger._

_Don't worry though I'm still willing to let you come aboard. Everyone makes mistakes and in the end the result will be the same. Now, hurry up and return this letter to me(the arrow at the top will point to the direction of the castle by the way). Remember, no more interference. Consider this your first, and only free, lesson."_

The three knights I'd ended up, coincidentally, saving were going to die anyway. Senseless deaths without purpose except to keep the timeline the exact way that Belthasar had found it. It didn't matter, I told myself. I'd accomplished what I'd originally started out to do; find the Castle and thus Belthasar. Who cared if some people I'd just met died, they would have died anyway without my intervention. I'd simply prolonged their life, gave them that much more time to enjoy living. What did I have to feel guilty about?

"Nothing", I said aloud "Absolutely nothing."

After all, I wasn't the only one interfering with the time line. Belthasar himself was attempting to recruit members from people pivotal to the survival of Gaurdia. If they left then the kingdom was sure to fall and history would be radically changed. Or, I thought to myself as if a torch had suddenly lit my way through a dark corridor, he was saving them from death. Instead of letting useful tools die, Belthasar was going to simply extract them and use them to keep the timeline the way he had found it. My new found torchlight led me to end of the darkened path, to a conclusion I found unbelievable yet inevitable in the grand scheme of the cycle of civilizations; tonight Gaurdia was going to fall.

Nothing lasted forever, I knew this intimately, but I had questions to ask before Fate claimed yet more victims. Something I'd been meaning to ask Chrono ever since we saved him from the jaws of death. If that meant causing another Deviation, then so be it. I stuffed the remaining, un-opened, tube in the folds of my cape, there would be time for it later, and then sped on my way. Time, it seemed, was against me yet again.

------

**Next Chapter:** What happens when Magus has a chance to change history yet again. Will he help those who claimed friendship with the reclusive warlock, or will he lay aside old friendships and do what it takes to get one step closer to his goal. Find out that and more in the next chapter of The Observer-Aftermath. **Chapter 4: Stone Memories**

-----


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Frozen Memories

_Statues,_

_Memories trapped in stone._

_Deeds done to make events unfold,_

_People, whose lives fate foretold._

_They symbolize the long gone yore,_

_Passed down to the people as hard earned lore._

_A reminder of things long past,_

_A reminder of things that didn't last._

_People die and countries fall,_

_Yet the statues don't care at all._

_In the end they are earth and stone,_

_Unfeeling creatures that yearn not for home._

_Statues,_

_Frozen memories in earth and stone,_

_Frozen, trapped forever, alone._

----------------

The dark clouds still loomed over the land of Guardia as I approached the massive steps to the equally massive castle. The gothic architecture loomed over me, tall buttresses supporting the high ceiling and tall door frame. The past pleasantness in the atmosphere was gone, replaced by a stoic war-time press. While before I might have thought the structure awe-inspiring, it now had a more fearsome aura. As if even the castle itself was in a dead-serious mood. A sleeping giant, recently awakened to find itself under attack.

Belthasar clambered quickly down the steps to greet me, his face full of frustration but his words still cheery. By the redness in his checks I doubt he was anything but happy to see me at last.

"Well there you are Magus my boy!" stated Belthasar as he hurried past me and attempted to lead me in his departing direction. "I know you just got here and all but it's time for us to depart. Things are going to happen that we dare not interfere with." His tone was hurried and it did seem he was generally afraid of meddling in the events of this grandiose occasion.

"No," I stated plainly and, without further explanation, walked past him and towards the armored guards dutifully standing rigid and imposing at the door. One interposed himself, not drawing the large sword that hung at his hip, but instead opened his visor. A large, mainly grey, bushy moustache was almost all I could see, except for the two piercing black eyes that stared at me with neutrality yet still sized me up for the event that he had to defend himself or his king.

"State your name sir," demanded the armored sentry, a leveled voice with steel behind it.

"Janus," I said tersely, spitting it out like a curse rather than the simple name it was. Before I'd left to the cold recesses of the Ice Age, Crono, perhaps in an attempt to convince me to stay in this time period, said that the name Janus would always be welcomed at the castle. We would see if indeed he was telling the truth.

"It is an honor to receive you Prince Janus," greeted the guard, with all the seriousness that only a guard can have, and stepped aside. Before I could forcefully correct the guard, with a Black Hole perhaps, the large doors to the castle swung slowly, yet quietly, open. The silence was no doubt Lucca's touch for such a door was guaranteed to be noisy, no matter how many times it was oiled.

"Magus!" shouted Belthasar as he waddled up the steps after me, the shock of my refuse apparently had run it's course on his mind. "What are you doing? You don't understand what's about to happen, we need to leave. This is an occasion that, while regretful, we can't stick around to interfere with." He tried to stand in my way this time, tacking a stance rather than trying to misdirect. His mistake I suppose.

A simple twitch of my hands and the bemused Guru found himself pinned to the wall of the imposing castle entrance. The servants at the door took pause at this, seeing a man held five feet off the ground against the wall with an invisible force was probably not common happenings. Whatever they'd been thinking though I'll likely never know, they went back to their tasks quickly and without any comments or questions. Turning my attention back to the Guru, who looked very cross, I approached and brought myself a few inches from his face.

"I understand well enough. This will only take a minute," I said, the words seemed to infuriate him even more.

"Do you Magus?! Fine, but don't expect me to clean up your mess this time. If you are going to do this then I'm coming too." I felt the invisible bounds I'd captured him with fade as Belthasar finally dispelled the simple holding spell and dropped to the ground with a loud thud. Apparently he hadn't thought to cast a spell of his own to float. What do they say about genius? No common sense or something like that.

"Whatever," I said, passing the grounded Guru and walking through the myriad of servants that rustled to a fro to do this and that. The inside of the castle was more grandiose than the outside, just as I remembered, and I thought once again how much of a prize this would have been had I actually taken it before summoning Lavos. The walls rose high into the air until finally meeting at the top of the arch, where chandeliers were often hung from with all their arrogant elegance and grace. Paintings, what some might call beautiful paintings, were fastened to the many of the walls throughout the castle.

Two paintings that stared down at me from their lofty perch from above the throne room were the King and, departed, Queen of Guardia. Perhaps I felt their gaze could divine the reason I was here because I quickly adjusted my sight to the throne room door and nothing more. The old oaken doors held the entrance to the room where the simple people of Guardia could meet with their Monarch. Some Asked for money, others for protection, and many for land. In return they vowed to serve the greater good of the kingdom when it was needed. I wonder how many answered the call for arms when their kingdom was attacked, how many stay true to their words.

I reached the thrown room doors and was blocked by a butler looking individual, penguin suit and all, and he was not a knight that I'd expected to be guarding the King.

"I'm sorry sir but the King is not taking an Audience at the moment," he said in tones of finality that would, from a normal person, book no arguments. I'm not normal. Judging the door was perhaps a few feet in thickness, and the chance that there wasn't someone standing directly in front of the door, I teleported forward about eight feet. Lucky for me I didn't teleport directly into anyone; it must be a painful experience for imps cringe whenever I threatened them with such a punishment. I looked to my right to find Belthasar had followed me in a teleport spell of his own; it seemed he still knew a few spells at his old age. Despite what they'll tell you, once a Guru doesn't mean you always are a Guru.

The king was seated in his high-backed throne, even if he wasn't taking audience, and Marle was also there as well. The guards in the room, two at the rear of the room and two by each of the two entrances that lead further into the berthing area of the castle, quickly pulled out their gleaming swords and advanced on us. These guards directly owe their life to one Marle, for without her intervention I would have sent them all to the void and been done with it.

"STAND DOWN SOLDIERS!" came the order, loud and stern enough that I'd half expected to see Slash step out from the corner. Instead it had come from the slender Princes who'd obviously had more sense now than at any time during our quest.

"Ah Princess Marle so good to see you again…," started Belthasar meekly. The rest of his greeting was left to hang and instead he shrugged his shoulder at the helplessness of it all. Neither the king nor Marle seemed to take our intrusion with anything but a frown. The guards did stand down though, sheathing their swords and going back to standing at their respective posts, silent sentries.

"Magus, nice of you to drop in," said Marle with coldness in her voice. Next to Lucca, Marle had come in second place when it came to despising my presence. I did, after all, attempt to destroy the kingdom five hundred years ago. She also hates the fact that Crono, for whatever his reasons, doesn't hate me.

"Charmed as always," I responded coldly in kind. The years seemed to have only matured Marle. Instead of the gypsy like costume she'd worn throughout our past adventure, she was dressed in what she often called "a puffy useless dress". I can't imagine she could fight in the dress, or that she somehow fit her crossbow in there, but now she didn't seem so out-of-place moving in one. The one thing that remained the same was the pony tail, though longer, and it stood as a lone part of the independent Marle I'd once known.

"Hmm, I remember you now," stated the King out of nowhere. "Helped in that whole saving the world hoopla right?" The king asked, caught unaware of our mutual dislike of eachother. The king still seemed in good health, though haggard around the edges perhaps, and now the tall-tale sign of age was beginning to show itself in the grey hairs that dotted his head. His expression clearly showed he had no idea what exactly was going on, how exactly I'd suddenly appeared in the thrown room, but I assume he must have rationalized it somehow.

"That's right daddy," reassured Marle, giving her father a light smile. "Could we pick up where we left off later, perhaps?" The drill sergeant that I'd heard just seconds before was gone, replaced by daddy's little girl. I wonder how many times a day that transition happened.

"Of course dear, perhaps Janus and Belthasar would like to stay for dinner?" kindly offered the king; putting forth a dinner invitation to someone who once had designs on killing his ancestors.

"I'm sure they're on very important business that can't wait." Said Marle, looking directly at us, her message clearly conveyed in her eyes. Belthasar caught the intended hook and bit. "Princess Marle is right, we've just dropped in to discuss something very quickly with her and then we'll be on our way. I must regretfully decline the invitation."

"Perhaps some other time then," The king stated agreeably. He then offered a brief nod to me, and one to Marle, before she walked down the steps from the raised throne and roughly guided me out the main doors and into the castle hallways once again. Belthasar followed on our heels, becoming ever more the nuisance.

The butler that had denied me entrance earlier balked at the fact that I was somehow coming out of the exact room he'd said I couldn't go in. He ushered a thousand apologies upon Marle, who quickly accepted them and sent the butler away to tend some other castle business. When he was gone the kind smile on her face was replaced by a deep frown and a death glare that could melt glaciers.

"What do you want?" she said sharply "Don't tell me you've come to gloat about the war; I swear to god I will shoot you right now if that's the case." For the first time since I'd meet Marle, I actually believed she'd carry through with the threat. She'd grown indeed.

"I need to find Crono," I said simply, without the usual harshness in my voice. She eyed me for a second, perhaps trying to deduce what I'd want with her husband, the large ring on her finger told me all I needed to know about how far their relationship had come.

"So you come back after five years to what, say hello to Crono? I don't buy that," she'd grown too much perhaps; Marle's naivety was the one factor I used to always count on when dealing with here

"Something like that," I responded; my business was my own. The lack of details didn't seem to sit well with her but she sighed and it appeared perhaps she would yet tell me what was needed.

"He's in the Statue Garden; just ask one of the servants to show you the way. Don't you dare think you won't be watched," without thanking her, I'd never thanked anyone for anything and I wasn't about to start now, I walked to find the nearest servant. As I left I heard her departing comment, something that may or may not have been meant for my ears.

"I don't know what Lucca sees in you," perhaps it was meant to goad me into a reaction if she had meant for me to hear it, or perhaps it was a general statement that one makes aloud to themselves. Something akin to what the farmers say when working the fields, like "boy it's hot today."

"Neither do I…," was my whispered reply, and for the second time that day I wondered what she was really trying to get at during our talk. That was all in the past though.

-------------//////

"We're taking too long," muttered Belthasar as we arrived at the Statue Garden that Marle had spoke of. The young boy, though apparently not too young to be a servant, bowed once and left quickly; smart lad. I continued to ignore the Guru's comments, not that I didn't normally do that, and passed through the metal gates that separated the garden from the rest of the wilderness in the back of the castle. This was a new addition and at once I saw why it was called the Statue Garden.

It seemed as if I'd entered a frozen museum of the past events, all displayed in breathtaking realism. "So We Never Forget" was sculpted in letters that ran down a tall column that separated the entrance path in twine. To the left were frozen scenes of events I can't recall or simply hadn't been there for; Ayla, Crono, and Marle taking on a monstrous Dinosaur atop a tall tower walkway, Frog, Crono, and Lucca fighting monstrous snake woman in something that looked like a cathedral, and many other scenes that continued further down the path as it curved a ways down. As I looked to the right even I had to make a concentrated effort not to gasp in astonishment; A small model of Zeal floated in a sea of clouds with the sun rising in the distance, Dalton laughing as he prepared to summon a Golem to deal with the intruders in the throne room, two dream-objects conversing with a Nu, and many others that forcefully brought memories to the fore-front of my mind.

"Very life-like isn't it," commented Belthasar next to me. I couldn't disagree with him; even though it was sculpted out of gray clay everything looked so real. As if Zeal and been shrunken and place here as a party decoration. Without noticing where I was going I caught myself walking down the right side, examining each of the scenes with a bewildered gaze. Why would they have something like this?

"I hope you didn't come here to stare at statues all day," iImpatiently said Belthasar, quenching whatever curious part of my mind still yearned to see more and I straightened my gaze and marched through the frozen memories. They belonged in the past, they were the past, and no matter how life-life they were they were just statues. The other scenes that we passed I can't recall, perhaps because I'd blocked them out on purpose or perhaps because I never looked at them. At last though I saw a familiar spiky red haired swordsman; he starred thoughtfully in silence at a statue that seemed taller than the rest, like it was the grand masterpiece of the garden.

"Stay here," I ordered Belthasar, who grunted but went walking in the other direction. Hopefully he'd stay away until our business was over.

Approaching closer, and trying not to look at another picture from the past, I moved to stand between Crono and the statue. His red hair stood out from the rest of the garden, as did his armor. Gone was the karate gi, that was what he used to call his blue tunic ensemble anyway, and it was replaced with a suit of armor similar to the other knights but more slim-lined and less bulky. It was a golden hue, shining like one of his famous luminaries, but I noticed no accompanying helmet was carried in his hand or sat still at his feet. The rainbow sword I assumed was securely tucked away in the sheath at his side.

At first it seemed like he didn't even noticed me in his musings, and I was close to going over and shaking the sense into him. Some feeling told me he was simply waiting to speak and so I pushed down my impatience and waited. He'd earned that much respect in my eyes and I found it only fitting to pay him some of it now, before what would probably be his last battle.

"It's about time you came to visit," he said at last, taking his eyes from the statue to give me a quick nod before returning to think on whatever it was that troubled him so.

"I only came to ask you a question," I said, attempting to talk on equal terms with the swordsman and removing any harshness or arrogance from my voice.

"What, no 'How are you doing?' or 'Good to see you again'?" lightly chuckled Crono, "Well I suppose that I shouldn't expect you to start saying stuff like that now, you never bothered to ask before." I waited a few seconds to see if he'd say more and then decided to ask my question.

"I want to know…," I started but was cut off by a quick comment from the agile swordsman. He had waited for my verbal attack and had cut it short.

"Have you ever seen such a beautiful statue," he nodded his head at the statue I was standing in front of, yet I would not look. "I come here to think sometimes, alright maybe a lot of the time." He sighed and shook his head of whatever thoughts clouded it. "We aren't going to win this war Magus, it's hard for me to admit that. After all, we beat up Lavos and he was a world destroying monster. Porre…is just a bunch of people with guns. Boy are there a lot of them though….," Crono explained with a slight chuckle which turned into a sigh.

"But I don't just come here to think depressing thoughts," joked Crono in his usual humor "I like to look at the statues. I know you've got to be wondering who made them."

"No, not really" I responded with dullness in my voice, some would even call it boredom.

"It's amazing what Marle and Lucca can achieve together. Marle can mold the clay with her ice magic, neat really," Crono explained, motioning to all the statues around him with his armored hand, "Seems she can control the shape of the clay since there's water in it, or something like that. You'd have to ask her to explain, she gets down to the details but it really makes no sense to me. Anyhow, Lucca supplies the fire and presto! Insta statue."

"That's not why I came here," I calmly stated. I would not be driven to impatience or rage. I would not lose control.

"So, what did you want to ask me then?" asked Crono, now brining his gaze to settle on me. I'd held off the question too long, I should have asked him before I'd left to the cold wastelands but even I had been too afraid of the answer. Too afraid that the answer might have kept me chained to this time period. Now though I had a mission, a quest, and my resolve was great enough to see me through no matter what the answer was.

"Why didn't you kill me?" I asked, remaining calm. Crono looked at me like I'd grown five arms and an extra head, his confusion readily apparent to any bystanders.

"What are you talking about?" He asked honestly, walking a few steps closer perhaps in an attempt to get closer to the problem by being closer to me.

"After we defeated Lavos, why didn't you kill me?" I asked again and he still gave me the goblin-in-the-way-of-a-fireball look. "My purpose was complete, I'd served my niche in your little group. I almost destroyed Guardia 500 years ago, I've killed countless without giving it a second thought, I used others with even giving one thought; why didn't you finish the job you'd started out to do at my castle?"

"I deserve to die, I deserve much worse if you ask some people, yet you let me live! What made you so sure that I wasn't going to go back to killing and slaughtering, maybe attempt to finish what I'd started?" I almost caught myself on the verge of shouting. But stopped to calm myself and waited for Crono to respond. He took his time, standing there for a few moments with the shocked look on his face, before he slowly approached me.

"Magus," he said slowly, reaching out to put his armored glove on my shoulder, "You may have done a lot of bad things in your life, but a lot of them weren't wholly your choice." I backed away from his friendly gesture but he continued on anyway. "You didn't ask to be raised by Ozzie, you didn't ask for Lavos to destroy your home, you didn't ask for a lot of the stuff that happened to you. You did what you had to do to survive. I doubt many of us could have done better."

"That's an excuse," I said argued back, "It was my choice to do what I did, and I did it to fulfill my vengeance not survive."

"We're your friends Magus; you may not want it but friends tend to see your better side, even if you don't want to," he stared back up at whatever statue was lurking behind me.

"I have no friends," I said marching to meet Crono where he stood. "Wasn't I just a tool, something to use. You can stop the act, you can stop pretending to care! Tell me I'm right!" I reached out and grabbed the swordsman by the cuff of his shirt that stuck out from the armor. "I don't need your concern, I don't need your worry! I am MAGUS. I can kill with a glance! I can make cities crumble to rumble with a mere thought! I alone can defy fate!"

I thought I could remain in control, I thought I could take the answer without a care. Something though wanted to cling to the hope that I was wanted, needed, somewhere. Not because of what I could do, but because of who I was. _NO_, I screamed inwardly, _THERE IS NO SUCH PLACE!_ I was not worthy of a reprieve, of a rest, there was no safe haven to call my own.

"Can you say that you don't blame me for the countless deaths I've caused! When you stormed my castle you were ready to condemn me for my actions," I was shouting now, even as I realized it I knew that I didn't want to stop. I was going to make him admit to it; make him admit that I was right. "Then you saw what I could do, what I could be used for, and you did your best to use the new found power. They only reason you haven't tried to kill me, the only reason you told me you'd welcome me in this time period, is that you knew I had nowhere else to go! You knew I'd come back one day and then you could use me again!"

Crono pushed me off of him and eyed me warily, as one might eye a rabid dog or a suspect criminal. That was what I expected, I'd brought forth his true feelings. Now he would tell me I was right and then I could leave with all my ties cut; nothing to hold me down.

"We are your friends," slowly stated Crono, "Even if you don't want to admit it, even if you don't want to see it," he sighed a heavy sigh, straightened up the cuff of his shirt, and continued, "We'll be there for you, if only you let us."

"Lies!" I spat, "You want to distract me from my goal, you want me to forget my failure! I will find her though, and you can't stop me."

"Schala…," solemnly said Crono, "She's been here all along, all you had to do was look behind you." I should have known it was a ruse, I logically knew there was no way Schala would be behind me when I looked back. Instead it was another reminder, another prick of the pin, to remind me of my failure.

Schala with her pendant held high above her, the kingdom of Zeal sculpted below in a beautiful, yet stylistic, rendition. All below, gathered around the base of my sister, were the people we'd met in our quest, arrayed like a supporting army. While the large figure of Lavos stood in the background, shadowing over the small army assembled before it. The pendant she held was the real Pendant, I noticed at last, its' aura permeated the area around the statue. The total of it towered over both myself and Crono and it was a fitting tribute to her, something she would have liked.

"I think you need to decide who you're really arguing against; me, or yourself," he stated in all seriousness, his voice thick with concern. I heard the heavy metal of his armor shift as he approached me, perhaps hoping to offer another friendly gesture, but I wasn't going to let him delude me further.

I turned my back on the statue and walked quickly away, Belthasar stumbling after me when I passed him as he attempted to match my pace. "I take it things didn't go well." He commented when he glanced back at the stationary swordsman.

"I'm finished here, let's go," I stated. Though I didn't know if my words were true or not, only that I needed to get away; it encroached me, attempted to draw me in, and I couldn't let it. I couldn't let anything get in my way, not even friendship.

"I'm Magus," I said to myself with shaky determination that hardened the further away I went from Crono, from the frozen reminders, "I have no friends, no distractions."


	5. Chapter 5

It's been awhile since the last update eh! Well this is a chapter I'd had sitting around for awhile so don't get too excited. I just could never figure out how to end it. Well after a bit of absence from writing I came back to it and found inspiration. It's kinda small but hopefully I've rekindled the fire to finish this story!

Some of you may be wondering about the intro thingy to each chapter, such as the search program that seems to drag some of them up. Suffice to say their is someone on the other end of this search and eventually they will be revealed. I like to think it works like Google lol. Anyway, read on and enjoy!

**Chapter 5: Hope**

Processing follow-on search, retrieving requested data:

Search Parameter: "Janus" + "Journal Entries"

Date: Any

Data results(911): First entry displayed below:

Journal excerpt of Subject Janus Zeal, retrieved from the Ice Age, year unknown:

_There are small assurances I make to myself, reinforcements to a barrier that has many holes, which allow me to steer the path I've plotted. They allow me to forgo human contact, human friendship, and the acknowledgement of emotions. They allow me to maintain my scowling visage, my always calculating eyes, and my aloofness. These assurances have been my real strength these past years for without them I surely would have admitted defeat long ago._

_They are only plugs on a dam that blocks a rushing river, only temporary patches on a roof that is constantly tested by the rain. There are times when the dam breaks and unleashes its' flood, when the roof fails and the water is free to flow where it wants. There are times when I admit to myself that I want a family, that I want friends, and that I want something to return to besides the dark void that I know awaits me. There are times when hope, true naïve hope, grips me._

_That is not me however, I am Magus. No amount of hope, of hoping, can deliver those things to one such as me. It does not stop the pain of loss, of unfilled dreams, that stabs at my heart in rare instances. For I know I will forever feel the pain of emptiness until the day I return to the void. That is a fate I accept with the calm stoicism of someone on death row._

_One day, however, my desperate hope might rise up and make its' voice heard. To plot a course that seeks to gain friends, family, and a home. Woe be to the man, or beast, that stands in its' way; my magics may be deadly and devastating, but hope is what ultimately destroyed Lavos. A hope for the future. _

End Record

--

I pushed through guards, through servants, and through Marle as she attempted to grab my arm on my passing. Surely she would only castrate me further for invading her life, their life. I vaguely notice the regal halls and startled servants as I rush by, trailing a blithering guru in my wake. The guards I pass seem torn on whether to let me storm by, or if my mood was a danger to the castle and they should draw their swords. Either they decided it was best to leave a stormy warlock alone, or Marle had instructed them as such, as no swords were drawn.

My thoughts were elsewhere however; still stuck back at the Garden of Statues, re-running the conversation through my head.

_Crono was just trying to help._

He was trying to use me, he cares nothing about me or Schala.

_Do you really believe that?_

I don't have time to answer such stupid question. My mission comes first, I still have to find Schala.

_Is that your answer to everything, Schala Schala Schala? Don't you think she'd want you to have a life?_

Silence!

_Do you think Belthasar cares about you?_

No, I know he's using me for his own agenda.

_So how's that any different than Crono? According to you both are trying to use you, why go with Belthasar?_

Because he can help me find Schala.

_Is that really the reason? Or is it that you feel more comfortable around enemies?_

My thoughts were broken off as a small tremor shook the castle, pebbles and dust raining down from the ceiling. I turned back to the Guru, looking to confirm what I knew was happening, and received only a worried expression before he shaded his visage from me and hurried past.

"I don't know why you marched back in here but we need to leave. There should be a secluded room we can activate a portal in over here," said the Guru hastily, his words tumbling out faster than a rushing waterfall. I could sense the fear in his voice, fear of the approaching events.

The sound of metal boots hitting hard rock floor, accompanied by the jingle of armor pieces hitting other armor pieces, sounded from behind me as knights scrambled towards the entrance. None spoke, none needed, and calm determination blocked the panic that lurked beneath their grim façade. They were needed to defend their home, their country, and their king.

"Magus it's time for us to depart!" sharply reminded Belthasar as he tugged on my cape with force enough to yank my gaze from the departing armored figures and back to his squat form.

_This is the last time you'll see them._

So what?

_You don't want to help? You don't want to protect your friends and family?_

I have no friends.

_Is that what you really think? Can you simply abandon your only friends to fate, to the same fate that claimed your sister? Can you walk away from this without trying to help?_

Silence!

_Are you afraid of it? Afraid of wanting the same thing everyone else does, afraid of wanting friends and companionship? This is your chance to change that, this is your chance to take what you want! Take it while you can!_

Another violent tremor shook the castle, sending the fragile chandeliers crashing down on the unfortunate servants that happened to be lingering beneath them. Screams echoed out in the halls and shouting could be heard far in the distance. Belthasar simply ignored it all and tried to lead me down a side path away from the castle's entrance. I had other plans though, even though my mind had yet to consciously decide it.

Belthasar turned into an alcove but I continued walking down the halls, down the path that would lead me to those that would seek the destruction of Guardia. More knights rushed by, as did a small squad of archers, but all pushed against the running servants that attempted to flee the combat area. To my surprise I caught Marle running past me and, for a brief moment, our eyes met. There was strength in those eyes, but also sadness; she knew as well as I did what this night would lead too. Then she was gone, swallowed by the sea of people.

By now Belthasar realized what I was doing and I could hear him loudly calling out my name. I could even feel the tugs of his magic as he attempted to stop me in my tracks. It was a weak spell and I brushed it away with a thought and continued. My pace brought me to the entrance at last, yet to no sign of battle. All the knights were assembled here, however none seemed willing to open the large wooden doors and confront whatever it was outside.

My body seemed to move on auto-pilot and I marched through them, knights and swordsman all parting alike to my presence. Some darted away quickly, others stared openly at me with gawking faces, and others trembled with one hand shakily grasping the hilt of their sheathed sword. At last I reached the heavy doors, right as another tremor shook the castle. Silence followed the attack, each individual listening for a follow-up. Nothing followed and so I prepared to great the attackers myself.

"Magus!" shouted Marle as she ran to my side, "Leave the doors shut. This castle is designed to withstand a siege. Let our archers and catapults take care of the enemy."

"She's right," called out the confident and steely voice of Crono as the troops parted to allow him to join his beloved, "We've been preparing for this battle. Lucca's even sent us some guns to level the playing field." Again I could not help but think of the conversation at the garden, but if the lightning caster was having the same thoughts it did not echo on his face. Instead determination glowed brightly, a brave beacon for all to reach out for.

"I am in a killing mood," I coldly stated, "The black wind blows." Indeed it did as well, I could hear it howling like a hurricane in my head; so many deaths. I felt the cold wood of the door even through my hard leather gloves and paused. Was I here simply to kill, or to defend? Was I simply unleashing the rage of Magus, or protecting something important to me?

"You will do nothing of the sort," yelled Belthasar as he violently pushed his way to the door, "You help these people and all of history changes! You cannot save them Magus! Remember our deal? You help them now and there is no deal! You'll never use time travel again! Never!"

His threat stopped my hands from pushing aside the doors and letting loose my magics. Those unsure of what this mad group of yelling folk were about backed a few feet away. Marle started blankly at me then at Belthasar as she finally put the pieces together.

"You bastard," she cursed at the old Guru, "You know we are going to lose! Then why not say something to us? Give us hints for the battle? Fight on our side!?"

"Because to him, this is all history," seriously stated Crono as his eyes kept the Guru under their steely gaze.

"Crono is right, history cannot be changed," seriously stated Belthasar nervously, "My mission is to preserve the time-line as it is. This event is sadly part of it. Know that I bear neither of you any ill will. However I cannot intervene in this instance, nor any instance. I am sorry."

"Sorry my ass," responded Marle as she started for the Guru and if not for Crono stepping in to block her way I believe she would have strangled the mage. "You would lead us to our deaths with a smile on your face and encouraging words! You speak of this as if it's just a dusty fact in a book, but this is our lives! People, real people, are going to die today!"

"Marle," ordered Crono softly, which seem to cut off any other ranting words of the angry woman. "See to the towers, they may need your healing magic." For a moment I thought the ice-princess would instead cast a bolt through Belthasar's mid section instead, but she relented and turned to leave. When she saw me standing there still I could see a mix of emotions pass through her eyes.

"I do not know if you are selling out your friends," she stated plainly, "Or even if you consider us as such. I've never known what to make of you Magus. Both of you leave, Guardia can find its' own way to the history books."

"You heard the Princess, let us go Magus," instructed Belthasar roughly as he tugged on my shirt. I however remained firmly staring at the door, my mind in turmoil. How could it turn out this way? The small hope that I'd gathered as my weapon before this moment melted like butter at Marle's dismissal. My mission rose once again to the fore-front of my mind, and if I needed to leave these fools to their fate then that is what I would do. That is what I wanted to think anyway, but I couldn't move. My foot held-fast as if part of the castle floor.

I gave one last long look to Marle, her eyes burning with anger now, and then turned to Crono. "Crono," I said, looking to him for some sign. I wanted him to say they wanted, nay needed, my help. I wanted to ask him this, but I lacked the words. If I stayed here then I would never find my sister, if I left then they died. Before the choice had been easier to make, but now the weights were stacked evenly and I could not tip the scales.

"You need to go", Crono simply stated, placing his hand on my shoulder in a solid grip of camaraderie. Then he walked on, speaking to those assembled about the battle ahead. It is that moment that I will forever remember, the moment I turned my back and walked away; but it is Marle's eyes that will haunt me. Another ghost to add to my growing list that, while unpleasant, is something I can bear for my mission. Walking past the servants once more, we manage to find an empty store room. A moment later the time portal is roaring next to us and then we are through; Guardia and all its' inhabitants forever lost to me.

The dam had broken, but it is repaired again. For now.

--/


	6. Chapter 6

A new chapter finally! Well it's been slow in the making, though in the making it is. Not much else to say except enjoy the read!

-----

Chapter 6: The Will to Live

Displaying follow-on search information;

Search Parameter: "Janus" + "Journal Entries"

Date: Any

Data results(911): Thirty-first entry displayed below:

Journal excerpt of Subject Janus Zeal, retrieved from the Ice Age, year unknown:

_To live forever, never dying of old age; immortality. My mother led the crusade that searched for this legendary gift. Not only would Zeal be a world of luxury and extravagance but it would be a world that never died. It would stay strong until the end of time, standing out forever as a bright beacon. _

_This was not to be though._

_The quest for immortality is a fools journey. If there is one certainty in life, it is that everything eventually ends. Time claims all, the only variable is the expedience of the journey._

_Despite my lack of self preservation, I've yet to meet that end. Despite the fact that I throw all caution to the wind and proceed at great risks to my own mortality, I still stand among the living. Sometimes I think that perhaps I am seeking death in my reckless actions. Surely if someone wanted to continue living a healthy, long, life they would not follow my course. I see death at the end of all my actions, yet I do not care. The idea of my life ending does not cause any concern. Perhaps it is because I know that is the only possible outcome in the long run. Or perhaps it is because I lack the wanting to live._

_I sometimes find myself recalling the day I challenged Crono's friends on the cliff that overlooked the cold sea. The pain at seeing my sister again, and losing her again, was too much. I had proved powerless against Lavos, my quest for vengeance was a failure. I wanted to fling myself from the towering cliff to land atop the crashing waves and pointed rocks. I wanted to provoke Glenn, Lucca, and Marle to lethal action. I wanted it to simply stop, to end._

_I found my will to live again, the fires of revenge only dimming for a moment before flaring anew. With this new quest I rely on the same anger and hate to see it through to the end. Unlike last time though I can feel myself fraying at the edges. I do not eat and I do not sleep. My only rest is when I pass out from exhaustion. My last meal is only a vague memory, the time and date unknown to me. If I do not stop this pace I will die._

_But I do not care._

End Record

--------------

If there was one word to describe the Chronopolis, it would have to be grey. A kind of oppressive grey that can mute even the brightest of colors. This, perhaps, is a perception that no one in the immediate vicinity shares with me. The inhabitants here were no doubt brought up in an age of technology and machines. Only they would be accustomed to a box of metal for a home and the presence of lifeless robots for good company. In some ways I welcome the muted grey walls and uncaring robots, it matches my mood in any case.

Those walls however had been awash in colorful banners earlier this day celebrating my arrival. Some of the banners doubtlessly still flutter in the recirculated air. Belthasar had ensured as much fanfare as possible for my arrival, stringing out a band and many excited onlookers. I'm sure he'd promised them the chance to meet one of the "Hero's of Time", a title many of the banners so proudly displayed. If he'd arrived here with Crono, Marle, and Lucca in addition to myself I'm sure the celebrations would have been grand.

They still cheered, still rushed to shake my hand, and still clamored to get their 'picture' taken with prince Janus. I ignored most of the requests, scowled at many more, and physically removed anything else that did not heed the first two hints. The jubilant celebration quickly turned into a forced party with the guest of honor, myself, not in attendance. Taking my mood as a hint, Belthasar quickly showed me to my room yet still extended the offer to attend the celebration. Suffice to say I did not.

And thus I am currently staring at the cold grey ceiling of my room, my mind replaying the past day over and over in a slow kind of torture. The frigid eyes of Marle, colder than even this room, still remained prominent in my mind. The resigned sigh of Crono as I confronted him in the Statue Garden, and Lucca's pleading cry to let her help me. I try to push them away, try to silence my traitorous thoughts, but they prove the stronger. However I am safe from rash action, the Chronopolis many millennium away from the trio, and in time those thoughts will fade.

A sharp knock rattles me from my conflicting thoughts. I'm not going to answer it though. If it was Belthasar he knew how to open it himself, anyone else was below my notice. The knocking sounded again. Again I ignored it. Again a knocking at my door broke the otherwise perfect silence of the room.

"Janus I know you're in there", came the muffled exclamation of a familiar voice. It was rough and callous, worn with years, but without anger or impatient. Rather it sounded almost concerned. In other words the voice of Gaspar, grand Guru of Time.

I still intended to ignore my visitor but the door opened without my accord revealing an exasperated Guru. My last encounter with Gaspar was just before the last battle with Lavos. He'd wished us luck, gave those who needed it a pat on the back, and then simply leaned against his solitary light pole. If there was ever a being of placid apathy then it was Gaspar. Never did he attempt to leave his self-built prison. Even when time portals spawned in his own backyard he passively sat and waited. What was he waiting for? Perhaps us, or perhaps he simply didn't care to do anything else. Did he really even care about the threat of Lavos or had it been a nice distraction from the normal boring routine of nothing.

Gone was the dirt-brown robe and knotted wooden cane of before. Unbelievably enough he now wore black suspenders, the name of which I would later learn, and a wrinkle-less white shirt. Topped with his normal bolder hat. In one hand was his new cane, metal with a dark shine and silver tip. Carried in the other hand was a basket with a few bottles of some dark liquid and what appeared to be, incredibly enough, smiffins. He must have caught me staring at the smiffins because a small smile crawled onto his face and he walked in further to set the basket down on the small metal table that was supplied with my room.

"Belthasar said you probably wouldn't answer, so he gave me a universal key," supplied Gaspar freely as he sat down slowly in one of the chairs. Uncorking one of the bottles that was in a basket, he produced two cups as if from nowhere and poured the dark liquid into each. Setting one cup across the table from himself, an open invitation to me, and taking one in his own hand. He moved it to his nose and smelled deeply of whatever fragrance the liquid gave off.

"You were probably too young to have tasted this, but it is top of the line Zeal," stated Gaspar before pausing as if remember some important fact before continuing, "Then again there wasn't a drinking age in Zeal. I've spent too much time around more recent folk, you'll have to excuse me," chuckled Gasper self-depreciatingly. "You've probably noticed that I also brought some smiffins. If I remember right they are your favorite," explained the Guru before taking a sip from his cup. "Ahhh the elixir of the gods!"

"What do you want?" I finally asked, not yet removing myself from the bed.

"Just to say hi," responded Gaspar before taking a bite out of the juicy smiffins. Perhaps some explanation of the fruit in question is needed. The name, smiffins, literally means very tasty in the older language of Zeal. I can only guess the primitive Zealians were content with naming something exactly what it is. The fruit itself isn't much to look at though, an ugly brown and bumpy orb with various sizes of tendrils coming out at all angles. The skin is rough much like a potato, though more so, and it was plain to see it was a fruit created to survive the worst of the wold. When prepared the skin is, of course, removed and all that is left is a small white orb with a light pink hue, almost like a bare apple.

"Catch", said Gaspar before lightly tossing a bare smiffin at me. I caught it in my left hand and continued to stare at the Guru.

"You've said your greeting, now I suppose you can depart," was my gruff answer to his questioning eyes. Leaning back against the wall in my bed I took a bite out of the smiffin, letting the sweet taste fill my mouth, and did my best to ignore the continuing presence of the intruder.

"Don't be like that Janus," chided Gaspar, "Why not talk with me for a bit, surely you are interested about the Chronopolis and the things that have happened to bring it into existence."

"Not really," I replied before taking another bite of the delicious fruit. Gaspar rose roughly from the chair and approached my newly given bed. Siting down lightly he imposed his haggard brown eyes into my line of vision.

"No, you only care about using it to find Schala", stated Gaspar sadly.

"What of it!" I exclaimed, quickly rising from my bed and walking away from the Guru. "What business is it of yours what I do with my time? Are you going tell me how I need to let go and live my own life?"

"No," replied Gaspar, "I just think you should at least talk about it though."

"What is there to talk about?" I ask angrily, "Is a quaint discussion going to solve my dilemma? Shall I digest to you the years I spent hunting her body under the ocean? Of the years following that I hunted her madly across the frozen tundras?" I stopped mid-rant as my stomach sent up a sharp pain, but it subsided quickly enough for me to regain my momentum.

"Or should I tell you a story about a Guru too apathetic to oppose his Queen in the darkest of hours? Or a tale about an old man tied to his lamp post, forever waiting on others to do the deeds he should have done?" That gained a reaction for Gaspar, as I knew it would, and he narrowed his eyes into keen daggers that stared in my direction.

"Do not speak of what you don't know," warned the Guru in cold tones, "I would have laid my life down to save Zeal."

"Then you've missed your ship old man," I snarled and at the same time felt another sharp pain in my stomach. This time it did not go away and before he could attempt to level another threat my way I puked. Truthfully I didn't know there was anything in my stomach to heave out. The upheaval did little to subsided the pain and instead it increased tenfold. I lurched forward and into the table, toppling over the smiffins and fine Zealian wine.

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I've dealt with many types of pain. In my line of living it is something that is inevitable. However some pain cuts through any defense and just plain hurts. Hurts like a thousand burning needles being shoved in your stomach. Hurts as if Lavos himself was summoned inside of your intestine track. This was one of those pains and I was unready to bear its' sudden burden.

"You don't look so good," commented Gaspar as he rose to help me steady myself, "I'll lead you to the medical bay, god knows what shape your body is in." I would have protested had my stomach not decided on attempting to kill me again, spilling liquid contents on Gaspar shoes.

"Great, now I'll never get the smell out of them."

--------------

I can't remember the last time I'd seen a doctor. I do remember past times when I was taken to the royal physician, but magical healing was more pleasure than pain. Any ill or injury could be quickly healed, leaving neither scar nor lingering effects. When I'd been transported to the future, to more primitive means of healing, it had shocked my young mind at the time to have a treatment hurt almost as much as the injury itself.

The mystics had witch doctors, or shamans, which mixed magical with practical means. They were gruff and tough and often purposefully left a mark to ensure that you remembered your injury. I can remember many a insect and vermin found a place in the witch-doctors arsenal of tools; a leech to drain away bad blood, pincer headed ants to close cuts, and elixirs made of worse things to chase away illness and ease your pains.

I do not know why those thoughts passed through my head as Gaspar led my stumbling form to the medical bay. It was late at night, or the time designated as night, and only a few souls passed us on the journey. Most probably thought I his drunk companion, stumbling home after one too many drinks. I suspect he encouraged this charade, rambling something to those that asked about my well being. I ignored most of what he said, focusing on trying to keep the pain at bay. To have faced Lavos and still be a slave to a simple stomach pain was frustrating.

At last we reached the medical bay after a seemingly infinite journey. Gaspar could have teleported us there but perhaps the lingering walk was his way of paying me back for my earlier comments. In any case the doors parted open with nary a sound and the Guru roughly hoisted me into one of the many plush chairs positioned along the walls of the room. It was a room that emanated a clean and hospitable atmosphere. The chairs were comfortable enough, the walls a soothingly color of off white that was a break in the constant grey of the Chronopolis, and piano music played softly in the background.

Gaspar returned to me after checking in at the counter and hoisted me up again. "Your lucky I know people Janus, Eva is the head of the medical department and also just about to leave. But she said she would take a look at you." I suppose he wanted thanks but I grunted instead. He took me to another room with a even heavier feeling of clean, though it was much smaller than the first and possessed an examination table in the center. I stumbled away from his helping hands and hoisted myself upon the table.

Moments later an elderly woman walked briskly through the door, her face the cliché of old grandmothers everywhere. She was slightly shorter that Gaspar and wore a white robe with a red cross emblazoned in the middle. Smiling warmly she approached me and took out a small computer pad.

"So what troubles our latest celebrity?", she asked kindly. Clearly the news of my visit had gotten around.

"My stomach hurts," I answered in a serious manner. The childish complaint reminded me of the times I'd said the same thing to Schala, though back then an upset stomach was world ending. Sensing I was done, she turned to Gaspar to get his side of the story.

"We were eating some smiffins when suddenly he thew up, all over my good shoes I might add, and startled clutching at his stomach." explained the Guru, "Probably something he ate, but I thought it best to bring him here. He doesn't exactly do a good job of taking care of himself."

"I can see that", agreed Eva, "Looks as pale as a ghost and almost skin and bones. When's the last time you had a decent meal sonny?"

Her nickname for me grated on my nerves but I answered her none-the-less, "A while ago."

"A few weeks?" she prodded further.

"Yesterday", I replied with obvious sarcasm.

"So more than a few weeks....?" Eva trailed off and waited for me to chime in the answer.

"It's been a few years," I responded harshly, "Does that satisfy your medical curiosity?"

"Good grief," sighed Eva before turning to Gaspar, "Is he joking?"

"He doesn't have a sense of humor", answered the Guru, "And he has no reason to lie, so I suspect he speaks the truth."

"Good grief!" exclaimed Eva again, "How is he even alive?" She muttered a quick spell and appeared to be studying something as several moments passed before she spoke again.

"You brought him to the right place Gaspar, his health is frightful. I think the only thing keeping him alive his is magical energy, I've never seen such an aura before in my life. Eating the food probably shocked his body too much after such a long period without proper sustenance."

"I've done without food before", I declared as I slowly removed myself from the table, "Just give me something for the pain."

"Oh no no no", chided Eva sharply and shooed me back onto the table, "Eating more is what you should be doing, but very slowly and small portions. I am checking you into sick-bay until you can consume a light meal without ill consequences. You can't live off of magical energy forever, your body needs food."

"I don't need to live forever," I responded, "And I don't need to be confined to a bed."

"Not while I have anything to say about it. Until further notice you are unfit for duty", argued Eva back. Turning to Gaspar I offered a questioning look. How did this mad mad woman intended to keep me?

"She's right Janus, if your not fit for duty then you can't use the time gates," explained Gaspar, "Besides, maybe you wouldn't be so disagreeable with some food in you."

"I'm not staying here," I explained and walked slowly, and painfully, towards the door. I heard Eva mumbled something and then suddenly a sharp pain in my arm. Turning around I saw the old woman had somehow been quick enough to inject a needle of a mysterious liquid in my arm. Anger burned bright in me and despite the pain I turned to deliver harsh punishment. Then the world blurred, and went black.

-----

"Schala, my stomach hurts," I complained. It was true too, not one of the instances I faked injury or illness to avoid doing my princely schooling. The day was clear and beautiful and while it would have been a perfect time to fake such a condition, it was sadly a true pain.

"Poor Janus," my sister cooed softly as she gathered me up on her lap, "You've eaten too many sweets again haven't you." It was a statement, not a question, because she had some instinctual knowledge about my wrong-doings. While I might have had a basket full of smiffins, and a dozen creamy pastries, I hardly thought it was "too many" sweets.

"Nu uh," I responded instead. Despite the fact I knew she knew I was lying, I still had to deny my actions. Maybe this time she really didn't know, maybe she was only guessing.

"I that so?" she asked with mild amusement, "Your fingers are red and your robes crummy. I'm guessing someone visited the royal chefs this morning." Blast the evidence!

"My stomach still hurts," I complained again, trying to shift her attention to the problem at hand and away from the source of my predicament.

"Well maybe you shouldn't betray your friends," came a chorus of voices. I was no longer in the palace any more, as far as I could tell I was no longer anywhere. Blackness greeted me wherever I looked. Glancing down at my hands I could see they were covered in a red liquid. However this was not the red juice of smiffins but rather blood. The coppery smell filled my nostrils and a queasy feeling rumbled in my stomach.

"Our blood is on your hands Janus!" sounded the voices again, and again, and again. Slowly the pace and pitch of the voices rose until it was only maddening gibberish and wild screams. Screams of pain and fire. Bodies being burned as Porre soldiers raided the castle and slaughtered soldier and innocent alike. The empty eyes of Crono and Marle staring accusingly at me.

-----

I awoke with a start, jumping out of sleep as if bitten by an imp. However instead of jumping out of bed my actions only strained against the restraints place on my arms and legs. After several panicked moments I realized once again where I was and why I was strapped to a bed. Whatever drugs Eva had injected me with left me viewing the world through a muted lens. The colors smeared into one another and generally made everything unrecognizable. At the very least the pain I'd experienced earlier was none-existent.

A large blurry mass of red to the right of my resting place automatically made me think of Crono and the nightmare I'd most recently experienced. I quickly reached out to wave away the phantom but instead my hand brushed against a solid object. Immediately the sound of glass breaking informed me that my mass of red had most likely been a vase of flowers. Blinking rapidly my vision slowly focused into view.

The room was large, likely a medical holding facility, though my section seemed curtained off from the larger area. Mine was the only bed in my immediate vicinity, accompanied by a small table to my immediate right and the broken vase on the floor. The walls where the same off-white color that I was already coming to associate with the Chronopolis medical facilities. Looking down I found myself clothed in a simple white one piece gown, my armor and ragged clothing nowhere in sight.

Minutes passed as I thought of the best means of escape. Magic would be largely useless; I could feel a magic muting field in effect with the tall tale signs of Gaspar's craftsmanship. That also left me unable to materialize my scythe. My legs were firmly bound to the bed, however my arms had enough slack to reach out the the table and, at the very least, knock over a vase. The binding appeared metallic in nature and despite how I strained my muscles they remained unaffected.

Sooner, rather than later, someone entered my curtained area. It was Eva, smiling like a concerned grandmother again, carrying a tray of assorted goods. One was a cup filled with a thick liquid, the other a pitcher of water with a smaller cup, next were a few small medicinal bottles, and the last was a small book. Despite recieving what must have been the dirtiest look in the world from me, Eva greeted my warmly. "Good morning Janus."

"My name is Magus," I stated angrily, "And there is little good in this. Release me from this bed old woman."

"Not a morning person are you," Eva responded somewhat crossly, "Or maybe you're just hungry. I brought some liquid food today, a kind of smoothie I guess you could call it. Also some vitamins to start restoring a semblance of health to your body. For dessert a copy of the Chronopolis welcome package given to the newly arrived."

"Are you deaf or simply daft? Let me make it simpler then. Let. Me. Go." The venom in my voice was thick.

"You need medical help Janus," explained Eva, "Do you know how close to death you were? How close you still are? I've never seen a living soul in your condition, much less walking around and time traveling. When was the last time you took some time to take care of yourself?"

I remained quiet, mainly because I did not have an answer to give. Very little thought went into my own welfare.

"Just as I thought," stated Eva as she approached my bed closer. "I am going to leave this on the stand. You can drink it at your leisure, however you need to drink at least three of these a day."

"And if I refuse," I stated in defiance.

"If you don't do it voluntarily we can force feed you," seriously stated Eva, "One way or the other you're going to get some nutrients." She placed the tray on the desk next to me gingerly, as if she expected me to make a grabbing attempt. I would have except I already knew my shackles would not extend past the desk.

"Janus I wish you believed we were doing this for your own good," said Eva as she stepped back. "Have you seen yourself? Do you know how bad you look right now?"

"My well-being is not your concern," I stated stoically and met her concerned gaze with uncaring eyes. She withstood the eyes for several moments before turning away and leaving through the curtains. My relief was short lived, moments later Gaspar entered through the still swaying curtains.

"So how was your nap?" asked the Guru immediately as he took standing at the foot of my bed.

"How long was I out?" I responded.

"Almost a full night," guessed Gaspar, "It's morning here, or what amounts to it anyway. Be sure to eat your breakfast, most important meal of the day they say."

"I am not participating in your ill-guided attempt at 'helping me'", I stated and even went so far as to form quotation marks with my fingers around the word "help". "I neither want nor need it."

""So you keep saying....", trailed Gaspar into silence before picking up his jovial tone again. "Well, get some rest and eat some food, you really don't want to make Eva upset on your first day here. I'll drop by later."

With that I thought he would go but instead he walked over to the desk, dropped a small metallic disk, and then left without a further word. I wait several seconds before examining the object though it seemed neither sharp enough to break my shackles nor heavy enough to use as a weapon. It's only property was that it was as reflective as a mirror. Grunting in disappointment, as much as confusion, I placed the disk back where I'd picked it up. Ignoring the rest of the items on the tray I reached for the Chronopolis welcome guide and started reading.

----

Several hours later, or maybe longer, Eva came in to check on me. My liquid meal sat unfinished on the desk, exactly as she left it. Though she said nothing her look alone told me she was not happy about that. Instead she quietly removed the welcome manual and left. Though it was true I did not want her company I at least wished she'd brought me something to cure the boredom.

I'd long ago finished reading the welcome manual, more propaganda filled than anything, and had taken to blankly staring at the ceiling. Perhaps they were trying to bore me to death, or maybe subtly inform me that if I cooperated they would bring me something to do. I could see through their simple manipulations, and I would not give them what they wished. At the same time, however, I needed to remove myself from this bed and begin scouring the time-line for Schala.

Grabbing the the object Gaspar had left I flipped it over in my fingers, using it like a stress ball to keep my body busy while my mind wondered. There had to be a weakness to the magic muter, nothing was perfect. Gaspar had always paid attention to detail and possessed a skill with magic that matched my own. He was not one to make mistakes easily. Still, I assume it must have been many years since he'd had time to practice spell casting and as the saying goes, "If you don't use it, you lose it."

I softly begin trying to draw on the power of the elements, to apply my will to reality. It was a simple spell, simply one to make a slight breeze. Nothing happened. I slowly tried each element and different types of spells. Still nothing happened. Frustrated and strangely tired I snarled in contempt, 'Fine, we do things the hard way.' Abandoning subtly I poured every inch of myself into a spell, a strong but simple spell. I could feel it begin to waver, I could feel hints of magic leaking through the barrier, and then nothing. It held strong and left me panting fiercely. Backing off I fell into the soft bed until my breathing slowed and I could think again.

Maybe the token he left was a key, what other purpose could it serve?. Holding it up to my face I studied it carefully, noting each and every facet of the two sided disc. However the only thing I could see was a pale face. The skin clung to the bony skull underneath the flesh, hollowed eye sockets, sucked in checks, and drawn jaw. The skin was cracked everywhere, similar to a dry lake-bed, and white as snow, resembling something more dead than alive. Long purple hair poked out here and there, ratty and fading in color, with small clumps of dirt and vegetation intertwined. The face had seen better days that's for sure. It took a moment to realize the face as my own. I threw the mirror across the room and cursed Gaspar and his idea of humor.

----

"Something upset you?" asked Gaspar as he entered my curtained area and observed the broken mirror on the floor. Many hours had passed since my attempt to break the spell muter and since then I'd only been left with a blank ceiling to stare at. While Gaspar was the only break in the otherwise boring day, I still did not wish to see him.

"Do you enjoy taunting me?" I asked with anger in my voice. "Why do you feel the need to point out what I already know?"

"Because someone has to," responded Gaspar, "Or you could call it payback for ruining my shoes yesterday."

"But why are you doing it?" I asked, "Surely there are better things to be doing that trying to convince me I need to stop my quest. Next you might try stopping the sun from rising, or maybe raise Zeal from the ocean."

"I'm your friend so I am stuck with the unfortunate job of trying to make you value your life, even if just a little," seriously stated Gaspar. He was silent for several moments as he studied me in the bed before speaking again. "Tell me Janus, do you have any dreams or goals?"

"I have my quest," I responded quickly..

"Ahh that," said the Guru as if he were just realizing I was on a quest to save Schala. "What about after that? What happens after you save Schala?"

"There is nothing after that," I responded, "It is a one way journey."

"Ok," agreed Gaspar, "Well, what happens if you die before then?"

"I won't, " I responded with certainty.

"Really now?" joked Gaspar. "You couldn't even break my spell muter. I know I'm good, but I'm no Magus. I've seen you overcome much worse, but here you are confined to a bed by an old wanna-be Guru's muting spell."

I glared daggers at Gaspar for pointing out my weakness but could not deny the words.

"Why I think with a few words I could subdue, nay even paralyze you", commented Gaspar offhandedly. The guru waited a few moments for effect and then with a fraction of effort I could feel my body suddenly lock into place. Using considerable effort I tried moving, but without success.

"What's the matter Janus?" asked Gaspar as he munched on an apple that had mysteriously appeared.

"My name....is Magus," I managed to grunt out, though even I knew it came from a position of weakness.

"From where I sit you are unfit to wear that name," stated Gaspar with distaste in his mouth. Walking around the bed to reach my confined form, he pulled me up from the front of the hospital gown.

"You're weak Janus," spat Gaspar in my face. "What are you going to do about it?"

I didn't respond, only glared. That seemed to infuriate the Guru to a new level and he raised one of his hands to deliver a harsh punch to my face. At the sound of flesh hitting flesh I immediately saw Eva rush in from where she must have been waiting for Gaspar to finish.

"What are in the name of Lavos are you doing Gaspar?" yelled Eva as she rushed to interpose herself between the angry Guru and myself. The old man stopped her with a raised hand.

"I said what are you going to do about it Janus? What can you do about it?" Then he struck me again. Eva took another step closer but Gaspar raised hand stopped her again.

"I agreed to let you talk to him but this isn't helping. He's unstable as it is!" pleaded Eva.

Only she was wrong, it was helping. I could feel my anger rise, could feel the cold fire that burned in my soul and lent me strength.

"I am going to break this barrier of yours and show you why I am Magus!" I spoke slowly and softly. I threw all my will against the muter, every last shred of my power, but it still would not break. I mustered my anger at Lavos, my anger at fate, and my anger at myself. Still the shield would not abate.

"What good is your strength to Schala?" asked Gaspar as he watched me strain aginst his muting field. "What good is you hate and anger if it cannot defeat an old man?"

I had no ready response for him, instead all of my focus was on catching my breath. My attempts were taking a physical toll on me, a toll that only spells of the highest magnitude drew. Gaspar seemed satisfied with my lack of an answer, either that or he'd tired of hitting me, and he threw me back into the bed. With a dismissive gesture from his hand the paralysis spell faded.

"Anger can't defeat everything," remarked Gaspar as he retrieved his cane that sat propped against the foot of my bed. "Remember that."

As he left Eva looked between me and the departing Guru, unsure of who to address first. After quickly dropping off the nutrient smoothie on my desk she bolted after Gaspar.

_You're weak._

The words echoed in my head just as his punches echoed pain throughout my face. He was right, and all the anger and hate I possessed had not been enough to strike at the Guru. If I was to accomplish my goal I would need more than that. Moving my vision to rest on the cup Eva had hastily dropped, I realized now what he was trying to tell me. Something that could only be taught to me as I was now.

There was probably a way around Gaspar's muter, but my mind was too muddled to see it. There was probably a way to break these chains with strength, but my body was too frail to attempt it. While my magics were deadly and devastating, they had done little for me against the Guru. If I was to save Schala then I would need to find a strength not born of anger.

Taking the cool metal cup in my hands I slowly consumed the meal. It tasted of strawberries and bananas, not altogether horrible.


	7. Chapter 7

First let me apologize for the large rifts of time between updates. I had meant to get this out much sooner, but life is a cruel mistress sometimes. On the plus side the renovation of our condo is done, we are moved into it, and I have had time between school to write some more. It is also hard to write Magus, or I should say it is hard to get into the mindset to write him. He is a very dark and brooding person, a person with deep emotional wounds that he tries to hide, however I am not of fan of being in dark and brooding moods. But I "get" him, I understand why he acts the way he does, and I can empathize with him.

Anyway, enjoy the story!

Chapter 7: Beginnings

Search Parameter: "Janus" + "Journal Entries"

Date: Any

Data results(911): First entry displayed below:

Journal excerpt of Subject Janus Zeal, retrieved from the Ice Age, year unknown:

_Hello..._

_::unreadable scribbles and scratches::_

_Greetings...._

_::unreadable scribbles and scratches::_

_I can't believe I am writing in this blasted journal to begin with._

_:: several pages appear to be torn from the tomes bindings::_

_Reluctantly I will admit that this journal, of sorts, it is a necessary precaution. _

_I suppose I should give a brief summary of the events since arriving in the Ice Age. It's been almost a year now, or so I speculate. There is not much here beyond the howling winds and freezing temperatures. What little life exists struggles against the natural onslaught. This will continue on for many years until at last the sunlight pierces the veil of dust and debris caused by Lavos' impact._

_Myself, I have done little since arriving. There is little to do except wander the planet. I have constructed a shelter from the elements and mapped out the surrounding areas, one day perhaps mapping the entire world. In my wanderings I work to eliminate any residual reptite species that still linger and covet any Zealian artifacts that I come across. One day I may even explore the ruins of the Ocean Palace. I am not yet ready to face my sister's corpse yet, to face the ultimate results of my weakness._

_This solitude is both a blessing and a curse. I desire no company in this cold wasteland, in my prison. I can contemplate the previous years in quite, disturbed only by ghosts of the past and reminders of my failings. In solitude there is also madness. With no clear goal or purpose I have found myself breaking under the strain of loneliness. It is funny how thoughts of Ozzie, Slash and Flea spring to mind now, how I reflect it was rather like a dysfunctional family. Or how my time with Chrono's companions rings with a positive tone compared to this icy nothingness. _

_I've seen what solitude can do to an individual. How many did I sentence to a life with nothing but a small hole in their cell wall for company? I remember their maniacal jabberings would often echo down the halls of the dungeon in the nights. I wonder what my purpose was in coming here now, why I chose this time period. Perhaps time will tell. Until then I hope this journal will give my mind the outlet it requires, maybe daily conversations with a piece of paper will be satisfactory._

_----_

Everything was pain. To see was pain. To breathe was pain. To hear was pain. To live was pain. Pain flowed through my veins, each beating of my heart only seemed to make it flare higher. My veins, my very soul, screamed for the succor that could free me from my pain. I needed elemental energy, magic, and I needed it now!

I struggled against the bonds holding me to the hospital bed. I kicked, punched, twisted, rolled, expanded, collapsed, and screamed. I was a raging animal trying to break free from his cage. The world was tinged red, everything was out to get me but I would get it first! I just had to break these bindings! Sometimes Eva and Gaspar would enter the room. I would rage at them as well, ranting and raving to make them see I needed magical sustenance. How could they not see this? Were they too against me? Had I been a fool for so easily trusting that the Guru had meant to help me?

As the pain continued unabated, and even seemed to increase, I sough a salvation from anything or anyone. I pleaded with Gaspar to drop the muting field, or put an arrow through my head to end the pain. I begged, with all the earnestness of my being, to just have someone end it one way or the other. I could see the faces of Marle and Chrono staring at me, satisfied at their revenge. I begged for their forgiveness, that I was sorry, and to please just kill me. The pain was so great, so all engulfing, that I could not bear it.

For how long I raged and wept in pain I cannot say. One cannot recall such details when you become akin to an animal. All I know is that it seemed to last for an eternity and then ended as quickly as a whispered word. When I awoke I was no longer in the haze that had enveloped me. My body did seem exhausted, drawn out and spent like I had cast all of my magics at once and was now simply an empty container without energy. Then I remembered that was the point of all this.

My memories began to come back to me as my brain recovered. Eva had said that since I was in a spell muting field I could not cast spells, thus I could not empty my energy reserves. Since I was now more or less eating enough daily nutrients my body would no longer need to live off of the elemental energy. However the only two ways to burn off my remaining supply was to wait for my body to use it, which would have taken quite a while Eva explained, or have them do a quick energy drain. Considering I wanted out of here as fast a possible I chose the later option. I'd been empty of elemental energy before, in the few instances when I truly had exhausted myself against my opponent, but the experience had not been so bad. Gaspar had added that I might experience a little pain, but I had scoffed at his warning.

A little pain was a far understatement to describe what I went through. The emptiness extended to my physical self as well. Moving my arm in minor motions seemed to take all the will power available to me, and still then it moved feebly and without any power. Seeing no point in spending so much power to move, and having no reason to do it, I simply stared at the tiled ceiling until either Eva or Gaspar came back to explain what had happened.

Eva came back first, hesitantly opening the curtain barrier to perhaps see if I was still frothing at the mouth. After she saw I was awake, and not thrashing uncontrollably, she quickly brushed in with a smile on her face and a smoothie in the large metal thermis-like container. "How are you feeling today Magus?"

"Horrible," I admitted honestly. I didn't even have the energy for sarcasm, "What happened?"

"Well, we preformed an elemental energy drain to remove the energy you still had stored in your body. This would force your body to gain sustenance the natural way. I believe I explained this before you agreed to the procedure," explained Eva with just a hint of annoyance as she place the smoothie on the table next to me. I reached for it but my hand fell far short of the table, it barely made it a few inches off of the bed before falling back down.

"I don't remember it ever being so painful," I commented. I tried reaching for it again but again my arms just did not have the energy for it. Seeing this Eva place it in my hands and produced a straw that would enable me to drink from it without the need to lift it.

"Well even if you exhausted yourself to the point of being unable to cast a spell your body still has small reserves of elemental energy. Even those reserves were drained, which might explain the heightened pain," explained Eva in a lecturing voice before she suddenly turned a stern look my way, "That and the fact that you were addicted to magic definitely didn't help you any." Eva produced a tablet computer device and inspected whatever appeared on the screen. "Going cold turkey from any addiction is a risky and painful process. Your addiction was just as much physical as it was physcological. The extent of your addiction was far greater than I'd originally thought, but you seem over it now in any case."

Eva pushed a few of the buttons on her tablet device before speaking again. "Aside from that your body was substituting nutrients and rest with elemental energy. It was so used to consuming magic instead of food that when we drained you your body didn't know right away where to get its' new energy from. Since you'd been eating regularly for a few days you had enough built up that your body eventually realized it could get energy from another source. "

"Should of just let me walk out the first day," I grumbled between sips of the smoothie. It lacked any real venom or hatred, just the complaint of someone who was too weak to really muster anything.

"Yes yes, I know," sighed Eva in a motherly fashion, "Next time a dour warlock complains of a stomach ache I'll simply give him some sleeping pills to sleep it off."

"How long was I out?" I asked, ignoring her attempt at humor.

"3 days total," responded Eva before adding more information, "First Day you were completely uncontrollable, in some kind of magic deprived rage. The last 2 you've been asleep, or something like it. We've been giving you water and nutrients though the IV's. The body had to decide when it was ready. Even so, you were very close to death Magus."

Death did not scare me. I was alive now and that was all that mattered. Soon I would be rid of this bed, of these meddlers, and on my quest again.

"How long until I am 'fit for duty'?" I asked, seriously.

"That depends largely on how well you cooperate" she replied before leaving.

-----

"IT'S YOUR FAULT MAGUS!" The hateful accusation once again forced me from my sleep back into wakefulness. A place where the haunting apparitions could not follow, where their vacant eyes could not chase me, and where their hateful voices could not reach. Most of the time sleep held only nightmares from my past, exacting their vengeance by keeping me from a good night's rest. I knew though I deserved much, much, worse.

"Trouble sleeping?" asked Gaspar from his occasional spot in the chair. With a large tome in hand it seemed I had interrupted whatever peaceful reading he'd been attempting.

"Don't even you think it's even a bit creepy to continuously monitor my sleep?" I asked in irritation, "Maybe it is your presence which disturbs my sleep in the first place. Knowing that I have an old man stalking me could shake my oh-so-fragile peace of mind." I knew my acidic sarcasm was unlikely to move the stubborn guru, but it was tiring going from a nightmare to twenty questions. That was a game I did not want to play.

"Ha, your jests stab at me," laughed Gaspar as he marked the last page in his book and carefully set it down. "You really need to tell me what it is you see in those nightmares. You can barely sleep most nights, and the nights you do sleep it is a troubled one I do not doubt."

"Just give me some sleeping pills and let us be done with it," I argued from my bed. It had been two weeks since they'd drained my magical reserves and I was once again strong enough to express my dislike and irritation loud and verbally. My body seemed to be healing quite well on its' own, with a little help from the constant high nutrient smoothies that Eva would bring. Last week I graduate into eating solid foods, in addition to the smoothies, and now I was almost completely on the mend. Not to the good doctor of Chronopolis though. My sleep patterns apparently troubled her.

The first few days after the draining had been fine, my body was too exhausted to stay awake and my mind too drained to produce nightmares. Then slowly each night's rest became shorter and more troubled. Now it was hard to sleep without seeing those that I might have once called friends. Their dead bodies littered my nightmares and their empty eyes drove me from my slumber.

"The point of all this isn't to get you addicted to simply a new substance," chided Gaspar, "It is to give you a clean bill of health so that you can start working cases and give yourself a shot at a good life."

"Well then tell me o' Guru, what have you learned in observing my sleep?" I sarcastically asked, letting my body drop back in my bed.

"Unfortunately Magus I'm not a physic, but I have learned 4 different ways to prepare a side of beef," he explained as he held up the large book he'd brought. "How to cook with flair and magic", the title proclaimed. I was unsure in which sense the author meant magic, but knowing Gaspar he was probably learning how hot he needed to make a fireball in order to not burn the meat.

"A cooking book?" I scoffed with disbelief and the beginnings of anger, "I'm here suffering taunts from dead spirits and you're reading a damnable cooking book!?"

"Ah ha, so he does dream of something," proclaimed the Guru as I realized my own mistake. Again my anger had betrayed my purpose.

"What of it?" I groaned as my early anger deflated, "Surely you see your past mistakes come back to haunt you once in a while. I'm sure the Ocean Palace floats above your head like a guillotine hanging by a thread."

"It does," admitted Gaspar suddenly serious, "There are nights when my sleep is like yours. Not every night, mind you, and I can function missing a night ever now and then. We need to get you at least to getting a few good nights rest a week. A lack of sleep can wear down an individual just a surely as starvation."

"And you think simply telling you about my nightmares will help?" I asked, "Or do you have some grand dream machine that blocks them out once you know what they are."

"No machine Magus, simply a mind at peace for letting past mistakes vent," explained Gaspar, "I myself can start with one if you'd rather see an example."

"I'd rather not do any of this old man," I groaned again, "They are just nightmares."

"Many years before I became a Guru for the crown, I taught lower levels magics to the students at the Academy," began Gaspar as I smacked my head in irritation, "My classes consisted mostly of young ones, at the age when magic is known to them but they still do not grasp the full concept. I had a particularly bright student, Lijand Beristoka, who was leagues above the rest of the class. He was always slacking and playing around during the lessons, at first I thought him simply a troublemaker. One day after class I asked him why he wasn't interested in the course material, he then went to expound on the entire 4 elemental proof and reached into theoretical elements. I knew that if such a bright mind was nurtured correctly that he would be a boon to all of Zeal. So I requested to have him transfered up into advanced classes. It was denied, of course. Lijand's performance had been dismal and the dean would have no one that could not take school seriously promoted up a class."

"But Gaspar the great intervened," I suddenly interrupted and added a sarcastic grandeur to his name, "Let me guess where your guilt trip is going shall I? You ignored authorities and taught him higher magics anyway, probably something you shouldn't have, and then he died in some grisly fashion because of it?" My tone was unabashedly scornful, each question I threw at him like a deadly fireball.

"Yes," roughly replied the Guru who seemed truly, if only slightly, hurt.

"What was it then?" I asked offhandedly as if asking the weather, "A spell to turn invisible? A spell for flight go awry and he plummet down to visit the earthbounds? A backfire from trying to create too big of a fireball?" Gaspar to my surprise didn't respond with a fierce defending of his actions, nor did he try to play it off as banter; he didn't say anything at all in fact. I wondered about that, what would be to aghast to point out to me? It wasn't as if I hadn't done thousand of things worse, it wasn't as if he could top my descent into destruction. I stared at him, waiting for his response, but I could suddenly see the answer written on his face.

"You taught him time travel?!" I asked with unmasked disbelief.

"Note quite," finally responded the Guru, "It was a theory for time travel, something I was going to submit when finished to get a shot at the Guru title. I was so excited to have such a bright student, so eager to help him unravel the mysterious of the universe, that I forgot he was still simply a boy. Lijand was an orphan, his parents killed in a spell duel between their competing houses. I had forgotten this fact, or maybe in my mind I had assumed that he was beyond such thoughts."

"Did it work?" I asked with hope. Hope from me, what a concept!

"No," said Gaspar with a bit of scorn in his voice, as if I was missing the real point of his story. "It was still theoretical when I showed him, and I later found out the whole premise behind it was flawed to such a point that time travel down that route is impossible. Instead it aged him an unknown number of years until he was nothing but dried bones."

"So to answer your unasked question, no you can't use it to search for Schala," added Gaspar with a good amount of acid in his voice.

"Every now and then I see his face, as it appeared when he was young, in my nightmares. It simply stares at me and then ages right before my eyes until only dust is left blowing in the wind.," Gaspar leaned back far in his chair and rubbed the spot between his eyes. Though I still could not discern them from the shadow of his hat I think he might have been wiping away some tears.

"Did that sad display make you feel any better about your failure?" I asked, unconcerned with any sadness the Guru might be experiencing.

"No," admitted Gaspar with a sudden renewed tone that seem to push his previous sadness away, "But after several months of feeling like his ghost was haunting me, I confided in Belthasar. Even though it wasn't a secret of how he'd got a hold of such advanced magic, I'd never actually told anyone the full story. The night after I told Belthasar the full story was my first night of real rest since the incident."

Gaspar gave a soft sigh and continued as if talking to himself, "Nothing makes your failures go away. You just have to find a way to live with them."

"Lovely advice," I said louder than was probably needed, "now if you don't mind I am trying to do just that," I motioned for him to leave without looking up to see if he actually did. The tall-tale sound of his metal cane hitting the ground told me he at least obeyed that request.

If given the same choice today as I was given a month ago, I would not have left them to their fates. Even I had to admit that my mind was not in a right state. The weeks of eating real food, of having real conversation, had shown even me that I needed the painful process they were taking me through. I didn't want to admit it, but it probably would have helped if I told Gaspar what had happened. I wasn't sure how much Belthasar talked to his fellow Guru, but I assumed Gaspar would have brought up the subject he if knew about it. Did he know that Chrono, Marle, and Lucca were most likely dead? Did I want to tell him?

I tried to ignore the question, but I was alone with my thoughts. They were not good company.

-----

"Here you are Magus," stated Eva as she rested a tray of steaming food on the table. It smelled like steak, something I'd grown to like the past two weeks. Though my body seemed fully healed, full of solid strength again, I was still weary. The nights were getting worse, my sleep even less, and I could feel it eating away at the ends of my mind. Now, more than ever, I was susceptible to normal human cycles such as sleeping and eating. In the past one, the other, or both could be replaced with magic. I'd rejuvenated myself after many nights of studying dark tomes and testing magic. Now though I was thoroughly reliant on only what I could do without magic. Every day that list seemed to grow shorter and shorter.

"Eva, I need some sleeping pills," I asked in the calmest way possible.

"Sorry Magus, Gaspar is convinced that they will do you more harm than good." responded Eva.

"You're the doctor, what do you think?" I asked, hoping to appeal to her professional pride.

"I think that while they probably wouldn't hurt every now and then, he's also right," she explained, "He feels the reason you cannot get any good sleep is entirely in your head, and since I can't find anything physically wrong with you anymore I am inclined to agree with him. Sleeping pills can't clear your conscience."

"I just need some sleep," I said this time appealing to her, I don't know, pity maybe.

"Sorry Magus, no means no," chided Eva. After placing down the tablet that displayed my status she turned to leave. She made it to the curtain and begin to glide through the shifting material when I finally spoke up.

"My friends are dead because of me," I suddenly said with a slight note of desperation in my voice, the plead surprised even me. I however realized that I needed a good nights rest, there were no two ways around it, and if something as trivial as admitting the truth did it then why not., "They are the reason I can't sleep."

"Oh Magus," suddenly said Eva in her grandmotherly fashion as she quickly came back to my bedside with real concern in her eyes. "I'm sorry,"

"I don't need your pity," I responded quickly, my tone automatically harsher than I'd intended.

"I mean to say, it won't do any good," I quickly corrected with a slightly gentler tone. I doubt I could truly sound gentle in anything I said, however I could sound not angry when needed. It wasn't an apology but it was as close as I was going to get. "It was my choice that killed them, and there is nothing that can be done to change that."

Eva came closer and reached out a hand to comfort me, but then thought the better of it and spoke instead, "You're right, it wouldn't do any good," she paused, "But I'd feel sorry for anyone whose had friends recently die. Do you miss them?"

"Yes", I responded softly and I was surprised to hear the answer was truly my own. It was not a facade put on to reassure her that I had some semblance of humanity. I really did miss them, despite the fact that we'd been apart for many years, I had even missed them then as well.

Eva softly patted my shoulder awkwardly before leaving. There was nothing more than either of us could have said. No other condolences would make any further difference, and any detail on my part would appear only as dressing on the tale.

-------

Sleep that night claimed me eventually, though my thoughts seemed scattered the rest of the day. However my nightmares did not abate with my confession to Eva. In fact they seemed more vivid than ever, again causing me to jump from sleep to wakefulness while still seeing the hollow eyes of those who I'd reluctantly acknowledged as friends. Gasping for breath I surveyed my room; Gaspar was strangely absent, however his book was left on the chair so he must have been nearby.

"Did you really think that would work?" scoffed a voice that was very familiar to me, in fact it was my own. However it did not originate from my own body. Instead it came from across the room, from someone that looked exactly like me, even down to my old worn battle armor and scythe. While my visage had gained some meat and color since entering the "care" of the hospital, my double still wore my haggard and deathly looking face from the Ice Age.

"Who are you?" I asked in bewilderment. Was this another one of Gaspar's tricks.

"I am you," responded my sneering visage.

"How?" I asked in confusion.

"Who knows, perhaps you've finally gone off the deep end and your hallucinating. With the way you've been living it would make sense. Or maybe I've traveled here from the future to warn you of something. Most likely it is the first one though, your mental stability is amazingly fragile," my hallucination shrugged nonchalantly before approaching closer.

"So did confessing your little act of betrayal make things any better?" mocked my image again as it leaned forward to be eye level with me, "Did it give you a good nights' rest?"

"If you're me then you already know the answer," I replied tersely back.

"I know, I just want to hear you say it," smirked my double, "And why do you suppose that is? Didn't Gaspar at least get a good nights sleep after pouring his old heart out to Belthasar?"

"I don't know," I spoke in hurried, clipped, words.

"Yes you do," my hallucination said, "Why not share that reason."

"I do not know," I responded harshly this time and enunciated each word clearly and slowly, maybe last time my reply had been too quick.

"You shouldn't lie to yourself Magus," chided my double, "Why do you still have nightmares about those you've betrayed?"

"It's because... I deserve the nightmares," I replied as my guilt decided at the moment to come back and remind me why I was having them in the first place.

"Close but no," chided my double as he leaned over to whisper his opinion in my ear, "It's because you deserve much, much, worse." If this was a hallicination it was a very realistic one. I could hear the ragged breath of my double and smell the decay in air as he spoke. His eyes appeared focused, yet at the same time wild like an animal. I could not hold his gaze for long and broke contact, it reminded me too much of me. Had I truly been in this condition not so long ago?

"Ahh awake I see", came the voice of Gaspar, his head poking through the curtains. His sudden entrance snapped me back to reality. Examining the room again I found no sign of my double, though the stench of decay still hung in the air. If Gaspar noticed it he did not say anything. Had it all been a dream?

"Well it seems you at least slept eight hours," stated the Guru as he walked farther in the room to retrieve his book. For the first time I examined the clock across the room and noticed that it was 7 A.M., whatever that really amounted to in a place without a sun or earth, but he was right. I had been asleep for an least eight hours. "Get some more nights like that and you'll be out of here before you know it."

"Lovely," I responded sarcastically. Any more morning like the one today and even I might think I was going crazy. Still, if it got me out of this bed then I guess I could deal with a hallucination of myself.

-----

My dreams remained fitful, however I was able to stay sleeping long enough each night for my body to gain the rest it needed. The nightmares still haunted me, however they always seemed to wake me up after letting me get the requisite amount of sleep to count as "healthy". That was all that really mattered. My hallucination, for that is what it must have been, had yet to return to taunt me. Hopefully he, or it, was gone for good. Eva and Gaspar had run out of reasons to keep me bed ridden; my body was mended and my sleep was as sound as it was likely to get. Then the day of my release came at last.

"Well Magus, I can think of no other reason why you need to be confined to a bed," declared Eva as she walked into my curtained off area with Gaspar in tow.

"However you still need some time before you are fit for duty," stated Gaspar as a counter to her good news. Eva tossed a quick glare his way but then returned a reassuring smile back towards me.

"You simply need to get used to using your muscles again, you've been couped up in bed for a little over a month now," explained Eva as she pushed a flashing light on the tablet she carried. Suddenly the bonds holding me to the bed were released. I immediately threw my legs over the side and almost fell on the floor in the process. My strength was greatly diminished from the lack of movement on my part.

"You'll also need to wear this for a week," she continued as I cautiously tested the strength in my legs by standing. Immediately I had to grasp the bed for support, however I didn't collapse in a pile of twitching muscles. It was a start.

"What is it?" I asked as I looked at the device she held in her hand dubiously. It appeared to be a bracelet, though with one flashing green light and a small readout.

"It is a small magic muting field. Over the week it will slowly weaken, gradually exposing your body back to elemental energies. At the end of the week the latch will spring open and the spell muting field will be at zero," explained Gaspar.

"Which means for the first day or two I won't be able to cast anything," I translated aloud.

"Maybe three," suggested Gaspar with a smile.

"Whatever," I mumbled as I roughly took the muting bracelet from Eva and slipped my hand through it. Immediately it tightened to fit my wrist and the latch that connected the two sides closed shut. The small readout displayed the number "100%" in bright green letter that dimmed after a few moments to make the numbers unnoticeable unless examined up close.

"I can help you back to your room if you'd like?" asked Gaspar.

Looking at his eager face, and then remembering the mess he got me into, I looked to Eva and said, "Can I have a crutch?" Apparently they stored them under the beds here because she fished two out and handed them to me. Crutches were crutches despite out how technologically advanced a society became, these were no different than the ones I'd used in the dark ages. They did look shinier though.

Roughly hoisting my way past Gaspar I hobbled my way out of the medical ward without looking back. In the background I heard Gaspar grumble something, probably about my lack of a thank you, and then I was through the doors and back into the main hallways of the Chronopolis. Even though I was not fond of the time station, being anywhere but in that damnable bed lent me a type of energy, a spring in my step if you would. Finding the nearest terminal, which was directly to the side of the medical bay, I went searching for a map.

Despite the amount of down time I had during my "care", I hadn't simply stared at the wall blankly. Gaspar had brought me a book or two every day, starting with the Chronopolis welcome guide and various other publications about the station. I'd learned the basics on how to get around and how to operate the computer terminals throughout the hallways. Of course that was all theory to me and this was my first time of actually doing it. With little trouble I found a map showing me where I currently was, and where my room was (I guess the terminal had some way of identifying the individual currently using it).

A ball popped out of the wall from a slot near the top and came to a stop before falling to the ground. It floated near eye level before a computer voice announced, "If you wish to have me guide you to your destination say yes."

"Yes," I replied.

"I'm sorry I couldn't understand, was that a yes?" replied the machine.

"Yes," I replied again, irritated.

"I'm sorry, could you repeated your answer," came the reply.

"Forget this," I mumbled to myself as I hobbled away.

"Answer accepted, this way to your destination," replied the little humming robot, unaware that I really wanted to blast it into bits.

The floating ball took the quickest way, ignoring any possible "tourist" detours that might have existed on the station. It also kept up, or slowed down I should say, to the current slow pace I was making. Walking in crutches was just as unfavorable as I remember it. The last memorable time I could recall was when Slash had "sparred" with me one day after I had arrogantly told him he had nothing left to teach me. Apparently I had been wrong.

The halls seemed void of any other people for the most part. A few passed by me and my floating ball. I could feel the stares on my back, though I am unsure if they knew who I was or I was simply a sight to behold. Suddenly I realized I was walking around in a hospital cloak. It covered my entire body, front and back, but I wondered where my old armor and weapons had been taken to. A question for when Gaspar or Belthasar next came to bug me.

At last we reached my room and the machine asked if it could do anything else. Not bothering to reply I went to open the door only to realize I'd also forgot my room key. Recalling the Chronopolis welcome kit I remembered that a small panel to the right of the door also functioned as a finger print scanner. Either a key or a finger print could open the door. The only question was, when did they find time to take my prints? I placed my hand on the small grey pad anyway and the door slid open after a few moments. Hobbling in it quickly shut behind me, leaving the robot still waiting for my answer.

"At least that's over," I mumbled to myself as I hobbled into the room. Lights flared on immediately in reaction to my presence, reveling my double again lounging in the corner with a smiffin in his hand.

"Over?" it laughed, "This is just the beginning dear _Magus_." The way he said Magus was as if it were a curse, as if it was the very worst thing possible in the world. Before I could respond I felt a presence behind my back. Maybe it was my imagination but suddenly I swore I felt as if my sister was standing right behind me. There is no logical way to put why I felt this, I just _knew_. However when I turned around all I saw was the silver door to my room. Lingering on it for a moment, perhaps wishing that she was there, I turned back to view my double. When I resumed looking in the previous direction my double was gone, along with the smiffin much to my dismay.

However where my double had been standing was a stack of folded clothes. Not my old armor it seemed, as they all appeared new and clean. Hobbling to my bed I sat down and fell into it. The mattress was more comfortable than the hospital bed, but maybe that was because I had grown too used to the hospital. That really wasn't what was on my mind though, rather just surface thoughts that kept my mind looking anywhere but where it needed to be. No, what I was really pondering were the words my double spoke before disappearing. What exactly was it the beginning of?

* * *

Magus is hallucinating! I love it, and I think you will too, when you see next chapter and how this hallucination inserts itself into situations where Magus really doesn't need any further obstacles in. I tried to end the hospital stay with this chapter as I know reading about someone bed-ridden probably isn't the most exciting thing in the world. Then again this story isn't going to win any awards for action category of the year. Action happens, and will happen, when action needs to happen. Hopefully you enjoyed it, stayed tuned for updates that hopefully don't take this long!


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